Looney Tunes

About

Loralee Choate

I live in Utah

I am the dork

(Being THE dork is quite a lot of pressure, actually)

CAST OF CHARACTERS

THE FAMILY

ME

See Dork comment above.

JONATHAN The Husband

Jon and I have been married for 7 years.

Jon does NOT like me to write about him. So, I rarely do.

We've been through hell and back.

We're still here.

That says something.

JAMES

My first born from my first marraige.

10 years old.

Hates tomatoes but loves Calvin and Hobbes.

Also known as, "Festivus" and "Son".

CHRISTOPHER

Second son, first child from current (And last)marraige.

Hates carrots, loves cheese pizza like his mom.

Also known as, "Christophee" and "Pookey".

MATTHEW

Youngest son of Jon and I.

Known as "Bug".

Matthew passed away in 2003 at 3 months, from SIDS.

WILBUR

Our Cat.

Rescued from our then unfinished basement as a tiny kitten.

Wilbur is a girl.

Yes, I knew this when I named her.

Wibur is a WHORE.

She has been "Fixed", but is in that rare percentile that still goes into heat.

Wilbur goes into heat A LOT.

The noise resulting from freaky animal love is really loud and grody.

Jonathan does not care for my cat.

I think she's fabulous.

FRIENDS YOU WILL READ ABOUT A LOT

BRIAN

Friend of 10 years.

Enjoys composing music, black, and the Thompson Twins.

Hates virtually every movie and TV show I love and likes Holiday Decorating.

KAREN

Friend of 5 years.

Karen is a kick-butt children's librarian.

She dislikes many foods, but loves animae, manga and art.

She fears dogs and wears fun barretts in her hair.

MICHELLE (CHELLE)

Friend of 3 years.

(These are traumatic years though so they should really be counted like dog years)

Probably one of the most amazing and well-balanced people on the earth.

I set my calender by her laundry day. She changed it from Thursday to Wednesday once and it screwed up my planning for about 6 months.

Loves English Toffee and her shower.

Other Friends That Appear Frequently

Zac--So Cute I Want To Take Him Home In My Purse

Mary EllenStarting a new life at 50-something

Bryan--TV Chef Extrodinaire

Brigitte (Bridgy)--Photo Hag Extrodinaire

Random Thought

I think I should marry anyone that has ever attended Bemidji State University.

Y'all better hurry up and get out here, though. They're starting to crack down on that sort of thing where I live.

• If you are thinking, "What the hell is she prattling on about?" Click HERE.

If you STILL don't get it:

I started this blog knowing nothing about them.

For months I just thought my family was reading.

I was wrong.

JES in the English department at BSU found my blog.

She told her friends, they told theirs, and so on and so on and so on.

Lots of Minnesotans(?) read me now.

It made me happy.

They read me, I read them.

I tend to obsess a bit.

End of story.

:)

Saturday, April 21, 2007

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Is it totally obvious I am trying to get yesterday's post off of my main page???

1. I am 31 years old
2. I have 5 siblings, of which I am the youngest
3. I have an identical twin sister who is 8 minutes older than I am
4. My sister Linny, calls me "Pee"
5. My brother Rhett, calls me "Whiner"
6. My brother Brad, calls me, "The Sister". This is an improvement from our childhood when for various, odd reasons he called me "The goat cheese in the little, linen sack". That's Ok. I called him, "Bradley Brown Burrito Socks", so I guess we're even.
7. Loraina calls me, "Flee"
8. I refinished my first antique at age 7. I learned it from my Dad, Bob. It was a dresser from the 1890's.
9. I obsessively LOVE Diet Coke. If I could just strap an IV to my arm with it 24/7 I would, and that says a lot because...
10. I have a rather unhealthy fear of needles.
11. I have a clotting disorder, Leiden V Factor, that almost killed me.
12. Due to wretched blood clot, I was on Oxycontin for 8 months and getting off of it was HELL ON EARTH.
13. I have been married twice.
14. My hairline is funky.
15. I have almost no pinky toenails.
16. I love buying high heels and looking at high heels, but I rarely wear them.
17. I despise panty hose
18. I have had my ears double pierced before. I wouldn't recommend it.
19. I love being loved. It is as necessary as air.
    
20. I don't understand, "Space".
    
21. Chocolate is my FRIEND
22. I love to cook
23. Giving and receiving gifts makes me HAPPY.
24. I have 3 children: James, Christopher and Matthew.
25. I am married to Jonathan. He is a computer geek extrodinare. He knows everything. He also KNOWS that he knows everything, but is often kind enough to keep that fact quite from the "Common Folk".
26. I have had my heart broken.
    
27. My son, Matthew died at 3 1/2 months from SIDS on September 23, 2003.
28. I am in religion limbo. I don't know who, what, where or why at the moment.
29. I've always wanted a little girl.
30. Red is my favorite color (Oxblood, if you want an exact shade)
    
31. I skipped the third grade.
32. My spelling and grammar suck.
33. I went through a really disturbing obsession with KC Masterpiece BBQ Potato Chips.
    
34. Umm...Same with Reeces' Peanut Butter Cups
    
35. I sing
36. Fairly OK actress as well
37. I like my neck
38. I love having my hair colored
39. Spring and Fall are my favorite seasons
40. I have been PTA President for three terms
41. There is something I want that I can never have.
42. I had a good friend that died in 1994 waiting for a heart/lung transplant. I still miss him.
43. I have flown in a Lear Jet
44. I have been mistaken for a prostitute wearing a cardigan sweater.
45. Laughing is the best thing in the world
46. My children are adorable and say the funniest, weirdest things in the world
47. I love my siblings so much. They are some of my best friends.
48. I rarely cry.
49. Telling the doctors to stop working on my son was the very hardest moment of my life
50. I suck at knitting
51. I have pressure of speech. It is worse around some versus others.
52. I cannot seem to leave well enough alone. EVER.
53. I keyed my principal's car in high school
54. I have fainted onstage
55. I've been skydiving
56. My dream is to go to England and Scotland
57. I have been blessed to have friends that love me "Just as I am". For some reason, they see craziness as a "Plus".
    
58. I have had three roommates named "Candy"
59. I am allergic to mold and grasses
60. My cat, Wilbur is a serious, SERIOUS whore
61. I have undergone "Breast Augmentation"
62. My husband was self employed until last year
63. All three of my children were born under Medicaid (See above)
64. Uniforms turn me on
65. I love cops (Except for this one in North Logan. He's a dick)
66. My hair stylist Stephanie has a friend named, Loralee and I have a friend named, Stephanie.
67. I am technically challenged
68. I can pronounce 6 languages pretty well but have no idea what I'm saying
69. I am in love with Southwest Black Bean Salsa from Wal-Mart
70. My friends are very, VERY important to me. I have a core of 4 that I hang out with reguarly.
71. My friendship with Michelle is the best thing that resulted from my son dying.
72. I am about to build a house.
    
73. Vancouver B.C, is my favorite city I've visited thus far.
74. Going out to eat is one of my favorite things to do on the planet
75. I love the TV series "Dead Like Me". One of the best TV shows ever made. EVER.
76. Reading is my friend.
77. I love this blog.
78. I have been trampled by a horse
79. While visiting San Francisco, I had a very drunk biker throw up on my shoes on Haight Street.
80. I love massages.
81. When I was young I used to wish to be either the Queen of England or Princess Diana. Either would be acceptable.
82. I like playing board games, but cards are not my favorite
83. I enjoy being friends with people of all ages, race, religion, blah blah blah.
84. Mean people suck.
85. I am unable to look at things in a black or white way.
86. I am the Queen of Vacillation.
87. I had a full-ride scholarship to school.
88. I have 400 semester credits and no degree.
89. I tried going back to school this summer and fall. I had a complete breakdown and withdrew.
90. Jonathan and I separated for 5 months.
91. I miss people too much.
    
92. I am capable of pulling of VERY cool things under circumstances deemed "Impossible".
93. I want to be a better person
94. I love the smell of freshly turned earth
95. Grey, cloudy, rainy days make me HAPPY!
96. I have a lot of anxiety
97. My biggest goal in life is to find whatever peace and laughter I can
98. I want to have a room with red walls one day
99. I am trying to control my obsessions and my life
100. I haven't given up. I hope I never will.

AMY

I was going to lay low for a few days because, well, I just was.

However, there was a person who was in my comments section (And all of them were lovely, Thank You.) and I have to ask the question.

Amy e-w?

Is that YOU, Chicken Little?

God, I hope so.

If it is, there is so much I have to say to you. How much I have to thank you for. I was such an non-coping ass. You have been on my mind for three years and my behavior just SUCKED. I have no decent excuse, just an explanation that my coping skills over the last few have been less than stellar.

I closed my old email account w/out importing my addresses. New cell, new home phone.
I tried Googling you, but I have no idea how in THE hell your last name is spelled.
I think it took me a year to SAY it correctly.
That said, I could have tried harder. I felt so stupid about the distance and what to say. Which is a pathetic excuse for as much as we went through.

Just know I have been THINKING ABOUT YOU.

I wrote about you earlier in a post about all the important people in my life:

THE AMY'S Then: Amy E was my first roommate in college. I was scared to death to meet her because I looked awful in high school and college. (See photo) We hit it off right away and spent the whole night talking. We roomed together until I married Gideon. So much history there. I love her like a sister. We had so much in common. She flew me out for her wedding to the greatest guy: Phil. They drove all night from Portland after Matthew died. Her boy was born 3 weeks before Matthew. Now: I haven't seen her since Matthew's funeral. My fault. I SUCK. She has tried to call and talk, but because our sons were so close in age I felt overwhelmed and I SUCK SUCK SUCK. Memories:Trying to make a stupid statue cry in the cemetery, theater, Harold and Maude, Mark, Journals, Elder Scott, Her body crying out for "Fresh Veggies", She cannot stay up past 9 pm without getting a bit testy! The bat in our apartment. Ficus tree, "Nice pants. They're red. I hate red".

If it IS you. Please know that I feel bad. I love you. I miss you.

If it isn't you, I will still try to find you.
***EDIT***
It was her! I am so happy about that.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Loss

**Edit**
In regards to the comment in this section (And the three emails from the same individual) I don't think I have ever said that suicide is "Ok" and I need to clarify that.**


There are times that I am smacked upside the head by loss and the reality of my life.

I read this post from "Very Mom" , and I cried.

My blog has just been so trivial and stupid lately.

I do know enough about myself to realize that I deal with grief by laughing. This blog has saved me and I love every friend I've made and every comment you all leave here. Please don't stop just because I am a downer right now. It is just that there are times I just want to throttle myself with how inimportant I make my life.

This is one of them.

Suddenly, I am back exactly where I was three years ago (Warning on the link. It is a hard thing to read. Trust me, I just re-read it. For those who are reading yet another post about my son, I'm sorry. It's just hard this time of year.).

Right now I just feel like I will never smile again.

My heart hurts.

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From the Inbox

"Concerned Older Brother" to Loralee:
Sent at 3:39 am

In Asia now, and bored, so I caught your blog.

Ahem,……….SEX TOYS??????

Loralee to "Concerned Older Brother"

Sent at 8:38 am

Dear Loving Brother,

It figures that you would check my blog on the one designated "Naughty Day" of the month.

Sisters have sex, too. Even Little Sisters.

Shh...it's a big secret, though. We wouldn't want to spoil it for every other brother out there.

Grin.

Your Sexy Sis

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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Loralee

Names are important.

One of the best things I have read about names (Aside from Sue's infamous, "My Child, Lac Lavon" post that I am so terribly fond of.) was an award-winning piece by Natasjia about why she selected the name she would be known as for the rest of her life.

Loralee is a very unusual name. There are times that I think that my parents must have been smokin' too much Metamucil when they named me, but there it is.

I wish I could say that my name meant something amazing and honorable.

Nah.

I'm the chick that sings on the rocks and then lures in unsuspecting navy guys to their immanent death and destruction.

Pretty fitting name, actually.

I grew up never having my name belong to anyone else. I never had my name on a bicycle license plate or key chain, and I didn't meet another Loralee until college, and then it was always spelled differently.

The asshole I dated in college hated my name. He was forever pestering me to "At least" spell my name differently. Because then maybe he could stand to be seen with someone who spelled her name "Laura Leigh". Those 5 different letters would somehow make me a more acceptable girlfriend, I suppose.

I actually love my name in a weird way. I suppose that it is because it is one of the few true possessions that I have and will always have. You can't put a price on it. For all the damage I bring to myself and my name, I still find things to admire and be proud of.

I love the fact that Loralee Christiansen has found my blog. The fact that she found Looney Tunes by Googling herself at 4 am just speaks to my soul. She is the first true, "Loralee" that I have known. I love that she calls me "Thing One" and I call her, "Thing Two". It is damn strange sometimes to see my name on all the blogs that we both visit. Sometimes I have to do a double take and remind myself that, no, that is the OTHER Loralee.

In order to get my mind off of some things, I decided to play around on Google a bit.

Wow. The Loralee's of the world?

Not so much.

What a wierd lot we are.

It didn't start out too bad. Apparently, I'm a foxy comic strip character:

Then I saw that a couple of authors share my name.
Let's take a look at some of their work:

Hmmm...$1.99 bargin book romance novelist


A $1.99 bargin-book Mormon romance novelist.
This author edited a book on how to tell your friends you are gay. I suppose after you read this you are supposed to be able pull off such a moment as coming out with the same ease this title suggests: "Hey, I've been meaning to tell you that we are out of toilet paper. Oh, and I'm gay. "Not only are there Loralee authors, but also Loralee CHARACTERS:"When Loralee arrived at Fort Apache as the new schoolmarm, she had some hard realities to learn..and a harsh taskmaster to teach her. Shad Zuniga was fiercely proud, aloof, a renegade Apache who wanted no part of the white man's world, not even its women. Yet Loralee was driven to seek him out, compelled to join him in a forbidden union, forced to become an outcast for one slim chance at LOVE FOREVERMORE."


It got a little interesting when I found my name at churchofsatan.com.

Loralee

Satanic Witch Baphomet

I discovered what an ass I am:

" We are so blessed to have Loralee! She finally got here Wednesday about 4:00 PM. The kids are in love with her. She is so gentle and never seems to mind them brushing and petting her. I am so amamazed how different her temperament is from a horse. We are thrilled with Loralee."

Despite the rumor that I am freakishly weak, I am a kick-ass piece of machinary that carts people around Anartica and am this girls B.F.F! I love my name on the door. Another Loralee and her sister donated 400 copies of cassettes with religious/patriotic songs on them to deployed troops. I TOTALLY should do that with copies of my "Dancing in Cache Valley" video.

Totally hot.

This Loralee in Australia discovered a $300,000 hunk of Whale vomit on the beach.

See?

A bunch of weirdo freaks.

Obviously, something is going to have to be done about all of this. I mean, come ON people! We should have enough pride in ourselves to be stellar humans that give "Loralee" a proud heritage. Enough of this whale vomit, 1890's Indian reservation S&M, and having donkey's named after us!!!!

The Loralee's of the world need to unite to make our name a whole heck-of-a-lot less lame.

What? Days of our Life is on and go the hell away?

FINE, then!

I suppose it will be up to Thing Two and I to make sure that there are "Non-Lame Loralee's" on the internet!!!

Uh...
Ok.

Point taken.

I suppose it will be up to THING TWO to be the "Non-Lame Loralee" on the internet.

Sigh.

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To make you smile

As many know, I am a youtube addict. I've found some really great things on that site as well as posted many lame things myself. I really don't think we need to revisit the suck of my dancing and singing, so I'll move on.

I try not to posts too many videos that aren't relevant, but I freaking love this video.

LOVE IT.

It just makes you believe in the human spirit and love of all kinds.

It brought me a big ole smile today, and I wanted to pass the big ole smile around a bit.

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