Thursday, March 02, 2006
I can be soooooooo damn dumb. Ask Karen, she's watched me try to create this stupid blog and the frustration that can ensue.
This post was inspired by the fact that I lost 3 hours of a post on Matthew for Jes (I'll redo it) because I am computer ()#(*_%&($*&amp;amp;U$*((#*$(#&*(@!!!!..........................................*@$!
That got me thinking of a particular moment in my life.
Though I have my moments of brilliance,(I tested at a sophomore college reading level in the 2nd grade so I skipped the 3rd grade. Fine, except uh, I went into 4th grade not knowing multiplication, not knowing division, not being able to read the alphabet on the walll, but hey! I read the hell out of Shakespeare!) I really struggle in a lot of areas. Sure, I comprehend really well and read FAST-but the downside to that is I really never paid attention to detail like, SPELLING...oh, and GRAMMAR.
I don't even want to get into my math struggle.
When I was in college, I had a full vocal scholarship. Fine-I can really sing and am not so bad on the stage. Problem: For having good chords I suckasuckaSUCK at being a musician. I had to work 6 times harder than my peers (Ask Brian Joy, who is amazing! Bastard. In the nicest way, of course...) and had such anxiety during Music Theory that my instructor (Who also once told me that I had an amazing sound and if I wasn't so discipline-gross and duh I could have any kind of music career I wanted. Good thing I didn't really want it, now isn't it!?) sent me to the testing center to have the whole IQ/Learning Disability smorgasborg testing done.
It took 6 hours. I thought I would die.
2 weeks later, I went to get my results. The girl looked at my file and said, "Um. Let me have you wait in the conference room. We're going to pull in a few extra people for this."
I sat there sweating and shaking in that room convinced they were going to inform me I have been clinically retarded my whole life and no one ever caught it until now.
Nah. Close, though.
One guy looked at my folder, then at me and announced, "Well. Anxiety is an obvious (Really? These massive sweat stains developing wouldn't be indicative of that, would they?!). No actual disability. Your IQ is quite high, but we did had to put your intellect at "average" because you have very odd test results. You are either off the charts brilliant like we really don't see here very often, or frankly, dumb as a post".
And oh, so surprising for moi.
"The good news is that in areas that you are very poor are mainly due to gaping holes in your education and where you are brilliant, well-those are things you just can't really be taught."
All it means is that I now knew why was one of the few to get 'Plato's Republic' in high school.
I still suck at math. I also remain "Duh" in several areas, blogging is just the newest addition.
What can ya do? As Tim Gun from 'Project Runway' often says, "Make it work. Carry on."
Maybe he'll buy me dinner at Red Lobster with Andre!