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Loralee Choate

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Whore

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Cats, and their behavior came up on "I Play Online At Work".

My cat, Wilbur, is a WHORE.
I want to get a red collar for her with a big "A" on it.

She has been "Fixed", but she still goes into heat. OFTEN. She makes the most horrible, whiney, "Screw Me" meows ALL THE TIME and walks with her butt up in the air.

I let her out today and took TWO STEPS when I heard screetching and hissing noises. I thought Wilbur was getting attacked by rabid dogs.

Nah.

It was just Wilbur having freaky animal-love on my porch. EE-WW-EE.

It is worse at night. I think every Tom Cat in Logan comes to my house. She must advertise somewhere, I swear. She is especially fond of gang-banging right outside my bedroom window in the wee hours of the morning.

Jonathan likes to take these moments to remind me that he doesn't overly care for my cat. He took one of my shoes and threw it (Not AT them. Near them.) to break up the brothel going on last night. When I told him to fight the cliche, he just glared at me. I also asked why "MY" shoes. He replied it was MY cat. Sometimes I hate it when he's right.

Wilbur is raping my carpet right now.

I can already tell that tonight is going to suck.

I'll get my shoes ready.

Sigh.

14 Comments :

  • At 4:45 PM , Anonymous Cassandra said...

    OK, so, you have a fixed cat that goes into heat. Weird.
    Your darling Jonathon throws your shoes at cats "in the act". Well, if you need new shoes, that isn't so bad.
    You get odd enjoyment out of the whole scenario. Fun for us!

     
  • At 4:53 PM , Blogger Loralee Choate said...

    Yes. My vet says it happens "Rarely". I guess that is the theme of my life.

    New shoes...drool...

    I do get weird enjoyment relaying the tell, but cats screwing is just WEIRD.

    My carpet is probably scarred for life as well...
    :D

     
  • At 4:54 PM , Blogger Loralee Choate said...

    Duh..."TALE".

    I am the epitome of spelling SUCK.

     
  • At 4:57 PM , Blogger Sue said...

    Ha! Okay, I gotta stop laughing, but that post was freakin' hysterical. You HAVE to get that collar. And then take a picture. And then send it to me. So, then I can start laughing ALL OVER AGAIN.

     
  • At 5:40 PM , Blogger Sharon said...

    Oh my gosh...SO funny!!! I'd ask the vet for my money back if I were you!!!
    I agree with Sue, we need a pic of the cat with the red A!!!

     
  • At 7:34 PM , Blogger Froyd said...

    ugh...I am shuddering and laughing at the same time.

    you should not have to cater to cat copulation!

     
  • At 7:39 PM , Blogger Amber said...

    Wilbur is gorgeous. I love it when Siamese-y cats have stripes. (Mine has faint orange stripes on her legs, but if anyone but me or Eric gets close enough to see them, the cat yanks their eyeballs out with her teeth and spits them on the carpet.)

    I'd never really been around cats in heat until we babysat Eric's brother's cat for about a month a couple of years ago. And this cat was in heat for pretty much the entire month. (I was exaggerating about the eyeballs before, but I swear I'm not exaggerating about this.) Not only would she walk around with her tail in the air, she would back up to anyone or anything that was sitting still and leave ishy gooey lubey grossness behind. Blecch. I was not sad when the cat went back to its home.

     
  • At 8:07 PM , Blogger Alex said...

    "you should not have to cater to cat copulation!"


    Awesome alliteration, assclown!

     
  • At 7:47 AM , Blogger mighty mouse said...

    Hee...I love cats. There's no reason for your cat to not get some lovin' even if it has been fixed, right?

     
  • At 8:09 AM , Blogger Just Me said...

    he he he. Too funny! I'm glad my cat isn't the whore of the neighborhood (by the way my cat's names Abbie and he's a boy). But then again he is the bully of the neighborhood, I've had people complain before!

     
  • At 11:26 AM , Blogger Rowan said...

    I think it must come with springtime. I cannot have any windows open this time of year for she (Pookie -- our cat) smells the boys out there which instantly sets her off in heat and then she tries to escape constantly.

     
  • At 11:56 AM , Blogger Loralee Choate said...

    I wonder if you can buy cat chastity belts???

    Hmmmmm...

     
  • At 12:58 PM , Blogger Pollard said...

    Oh my God... That's got to be the funniest post I've read. That's why I love cats. Yeah, I'll admit it. I ain't scrrd.

    They can be whores and gang bang and rape carpets, but we love 'em, because they live the life we know we can't...

    Not that I'd like to be gang banged, or rape carpets, or anything. This is getting weird. I'll go now.

     
  • At 7:52 AM , Blogger Alecia said...

    Maybe Wilbur and my cat Astrid (also fixed) could get together. She's a big whore too and maybe the mix of both of them would cause some kind of combustion and scar them (emotionally) for life, thus ending any future orgies on the front porch.

    Exactly what kind of shoes did Jonathan throw? Heels or sneakers?

     

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