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Loralee's Looney Tunes Reviews

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Loralee Choate

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The suck of neighbors

Monday, July 17, 2006

I consider myself a fairly outgoing individual. I make friends easily, I enjoy large gatherings of people and I love having friends to go on outings with.

I am also quite shy. I put on a good front, but underneath, I often quake with insecurity and feel out-of-place and ill- at-ease. I also think that as I get older, I like people in general less and less.

I am also notorious about my desire for neighborhood anonymity.

This doesn't really work too well in happy, friendly, know-what-your-neighbors-are-up-to, Cache Valley.

My idea of a good neighbor is one who doesn't flip me off as we're both going into our respective houses. Maybe a polite, "Hey". Or, "Hot outside today, isn't it?" is ok, but that is about it.

Why am I this way?

Dunno. Could be many things. Maybe it is because my mom was always ultra concerned with what other people think. I think I inherited that trait. I SUCK at trying to keep up a facade, though, so my solution? I just don't answer my door. Seriously. If my house is unacceptably messy and you knock on my door, I simply won't answer it 80% of the time. You know that you have reached the "Inner Sanctum of Loralee's Friendship" when you can just walk in and yell, "Loralee!! Stop watching TV in your bedroom and get your lazy ass out here!!!!"

I am also uncomfortable with my kids having friends over when I don't know in advance.
It's a rule. You have to ask before playing or having friends over. If you ask on the same afternoon, it's usually okay, but you have to play outside.

Lame of me. TERRIBLE of me, but true.This rule also seems to come stem from my inadequate/lazy housekeeping status.

James brought one of his friends from school home with him once on a day that was too cold to play outside and I was chastising him for breaking "The rules". Well, this kid's mom was standing where I couldn't see her on the porch. They live 20 minutes away. I was trying to explain that I was trying to get my house cleaned for company to come over that evening. She said, "That's ok, I'll help clean while the kids play". She came in the door and started CLEANING MY HOUSE.

NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!

Not that I didn't appreciate her kindness, generosity, whatever. It's just that no one I am not very, very,very,very,very comfortable with shall lay one finger on my house.
Do you know what happens to me if I am not a said level of comfortable-ness with a person that isn't cleaning my house??? I get pressure of speech. Terrible pressure of speech. The kind of pressure of speech that makes my entire life story pour out of my mouth before I can stop it, leaving me feeling like I need an emergency shrink session or quart of vodka or both. Now add cleaning my house to that equation and you have nuclear distaster. Yup, that day sucked six ways from Sunday.

I tried extending (A BIT) to my neighbors. That was a mistake.
We have a family with 4 kids that have been living next door for a year. It has pretty much, you guessed it...SUCKED.


"Honey, the neighbors used the lawnmower and didn't replace the gas."
"The neighbors opened all the doors of the van!"
"The neighbors caused a cholera epidemic that destroyed half of the valley!"

Okay, that last one hasn't happened. Yet.

At first I felt sorry for them and I have SO many flaws as a parent, who am I to judge, right?

Wrong.

I have the most frustration and trouble with the 4-year-old girl. She is allowed out all by herself all the time. I rarely see the mom even check on her. We live on a busy street. She is always dirty and her hair is never combed. She interrogates me, my kids, my husband and everyone who comes to my house about who they are, what they are doing here and worst "What is that? Can I have some?".

She cut my sons hair, I came home to her eating an entire bag of my popsicles out of my freezer and she walked into my bedroom. Did I mention that Jon and I were IN IT at the time. She gets into the stuff on my porch, leaves her toys and crap all over my yard, stairs, and porch, uses all my kid's sidewalk chalk and picks and kills my flowers. She turns on my hose and leaves it running, then gets mud everywhere.

"The Neighbors _(Fill in blank)_" has become almost a catch-phrase in our household.


Talking to her nicely does no good. Her mom screams at her all the time and I think the screaming makes her immune to listening. Talking to her mother is just about as effective as talking to her daughter. I know, I know..."The poor little girl" and blah, blah, blah. I felt that way for forever and tried being nice. If you are nice to her it gets worse. Trust me on this. I love kids, but this one has sucked all good will out of my soul.

So now I have to lock my doors when I'm home and resign myself that I will never have peace again until I move or they do.

15 Comments :

  • At 9:06 PM , Blogger Sharon said...

    Oh My Gosh! I would go ballistic!!! I would get a big, mean dog and let him loose when this little 'angel' comes near my yard... I would build an 8 foot high chain link fence... I would .... oh, dear... I sympathize with you SO much!! How soon can you build a house on that property with all the trees???

     
  • At 9:38 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Loralee 1,

    Some parents FREAK me out. I mean, I've been freaking out at the "freaking" lack of respect in the world any way....."10 items or less....EXCEPT for you Bob or Betty!"...."No cell phones at the gas pump everyone but by all means you go ahead and chat Chuck or Dottie!" Now I know where these folks come from.....they are that little 4 year old neighbor girl turned into grown ups.....SIGH! You're just gonna have to be the "mean" lady next door. "Go Home!" "Put that down!" "Leave that alone!" The kid has no structure at home so you're going to have to give it to her when she crosses your boundries! You have my empathy, Miss Loralee!
    Also, I CANNOT believe how much we have in common when it comes to housekeeping. I am lazy. My house is a mess. I'm talking "social services" messy and NO ONE is allowed in it. I made my friend sit outside the other nite for an hour so I could "clean" the kitchen sink and the bathroom. I'm sure he thought, about my bathroom, "Geez! This is clean? What in the hell did it look like before?" Then I let him in my house and wished him luck in finding somewhere to sit. He's still my friend....Thank God! And my child can have NO playdates without me cleaning....which I never do....so consequently there are no playdates....poor Boo Boo!
    That's why we go out....to soccer..
    to karate...to the OTHER neighbors housed for playdates. You know, George Carlin really summed it all up for me with this quote...."I HATE people, I like individuals."
    By the way....how did you like the music?
    A BIG, giant hug to you from,
    Loralee 2

     
  • At 5:40 AM , Blogger Penguin said...

    Oh, boy. I'm so conflicted on this. If it were me and talking to the mother didn't help, I'd be calling child services. This little girl is in some serious need of attention, love, affection, food.
    On the other hand, I'd be adopting her from time to time - teaching her manners, cleaning her up, playing tea. But, that's me - saving the world one stray at a time.
    I'll send you some courage.

     
  • At 9:10 AM , Anonymous Charli said...

    We should be neighbors- the kind that call first even thought they are just next door before coming over and then meet in the yard because both are too embarrased by the mess in their homes. The kind that can just wave and thats it- no need to start a conversation. Oh, and I like the dog idea...good one sharon, plus I bet the boys would love it!

     
  • At 10:31 AM , Blogger Loralee Choate said...

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At 10:46 AM , Anonymous Brian said...

    She's a sweet girl...in a succubus-in-training (non-sexual, Alex) or banshee-in-training sort of way... I do feel sorry for her, but at the same time, GET THE HELL OUT!!! (Sorry, that's my selfish side coming out.)

     
  • At 5:20 PM , Blogger Loralee Choate said...

    All good imput.

    Sharon-I wish, except I would fear for a dog with wilbur around. It would probably get humped to death.

    LL2-That made me chuckle. I haven't had one freaking moment of peace to even listen yet!!!! I can't believe how crazy it's been. I am hoping for some down time tomorrow to mellow out with your tunes (The letter ROCKED).

    Penguin-Calling in services is a huge, huge step. I have considered it, but honestly? I don't think anything would end up happening and they would know it was me and then crapola would hit the fan.

    Also...you cannot adopt this kid "from time to time". CANNOT. If I could, I wouldn't be at this level of frustration. She does not comprehend boundaries of ANY KIND. No matter how often you ask, speak, beg, whatever. I just don't have it in me. A year and a half is enough.

    Brian- I tried calling you. Get rid of the dial-up, man! P.S. You may not be able to read Alex's blog at work, but isn't into kids AT.ALL. Not in the least. (there, Alex, now you can't tell me where to put my porketta again, as I defended you. Wink!)

     
  • At 5:21 PM , Blogger Loralee Choate said...

    Duh--Charli! How could I forget you.

    I a MILLION times rather live by you!

     
  • At 6:03 PM , Blogger Seredne said...

    Wow, I can't imagine someone starting to clean my house.

    Although in its present state (unpacking/boxes/nightmare) maybe I would make an exception.

    I have the same 'don't mess with my home' gene as you. I'm sure I got it from my mother. She throws a fit when someone even steps on the lawn or if a ball rolls onto our property.

     
  • At 8:21 PM , Blogger Jessie said...

    So when are you building your house???

    I sympathize with you. We are lucky though. Yesterday, the worst neighbors in the entire world (along side yours, that is) FINALLY moved out yesterday. Get this, they actually THREW all of their belongings out of the second story windows. We think they flooded their apartment and that's the only reason why.

    They are total assholes. The only thing better would have been if they had moved out a LOT sooner.

     
  • At 10:32 AM , Blogger Rowan said...

    there was your mistake...you were nice in the beginnning, and now, they shall haunt you till the day you die...or move...my sister is a lot like you.....she's too tempted to be accepting of others intially, and then is suprised later when she realizes she cannot reform them and that they're quite happy being numbnuts thank-y0u-very-much all their lives.

     
  • At 10:34 AM , Blogger Rowan said...

    oh and I never have ppl over either....same reasons, plus add in the fact that I hate ppl at large and just don't want to deal with it...even my best buds...hrm...I always thought that was just a symptom of my depression and having intelligence.

     
  • At 5:50 PM , Blogger mighty mouse said...

    Oh my goodness...I think you should be considered for sainthood for not blowing up your neighbors' house yet. Wow.

     
  • At 6:24 AM , Anonymous Amy E-W said...

    Ok, so I've just learned that I am the WORST neighbor in my little Ohio town. My husband and I are BIG city people I mean if the metropolis doesn't have at least one professional sports team then it is just a large town. So maybe we're big city snobs. But we moved here, to the Ohio, in the hopes of giving are children more. Less shopping and eating choices (our only mall is the Super WalMart and I go several times a day for what little retail therapy it provides). More quiet, more unlocked doors and car alarms, more 4-H oppurtunities. Well, we live across from the grade school and most time I like the sounds that come from the kids and such. What I don't like is that their $#$@$@ parents use my driveway as a PARKING LOT! So after a year of owning my house and taking this crap I marched outside with my hair tangles, sweat pants, and vomit shirt (kids are sick) and told them next time "I'm towing!!!!". Then she called me RUDE! I said, "What's rude lady is parking in my drive!" Anytime pre-school, kindergarten, 1-6, have drop-off, pick-up, or early release I'm screwed! Which is pretty much every half hour between 8-3:30. So even though it was only 1:30 in the afternoon I made the kids change out of jammies, threw on some jeans, put my hair in a pony and we marched over to that school to start throwing punches. Well I got treated like a lunatic! And was told that city safety could look into it. City Safety?! What did they have to do with my private drive? Ok, then. And I marched home. Maybe I am a lunatic. I'm quickly turning into the crazy cat lady who lurks behind closed drapes spying on the neighborhood. We wanted a quiet, serene, country town, just not pass my property line!

     
  • At 5:52 AM , Blogger Alecia said...

    A kindred soul! I freak out if I don't have advance notice of someone coming over. There's just never any guarantee of what my house will look like, or I'm not mentally prepared, or my dogs are going ape-shit crazy.

    I never thought about it, but I'm going to have to adopt your "not answering the door" policy. I like that.

     

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