Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Saturday, May 27, 2006
The following is a true conversation that took place at the Choate residence on Saturday, May 27th at approximately 7:35 pm.
Dominos Guy: Thank you for calling Domino's
Loralee: Hi, do you have any specials going on right now?
Domino's Guy: Yes...I could do 2 medium 2-toppings and a large for $XX.
Loralee: Hmm...nah, I have a basement full of guys watching a fight and I don't think that will cut it.
Domino's Guy: What fight is it?
Loralee: The Gracie fight on PPV.
Domino's Guy: I want to see that, man. I think it is going to be Gracie.
Loralee: Nah...Hugh's is gonna win.
Domino's guy: (Snort) The underdog always talks trash about the champion and then gets his butt kicked in like, 30 seconds.
Loralee: Maybe he won't. Someone has to play Devil's advocate, after all.
Domino's Guy: I guess time will tell...How many guys are you feeding?
Loralee: About 11.
(He then helps me figure out how much to order)
Domino's Guy: Any soda's tonight?
Loralee: Yes...I need 2-liters of the following: Rootbeer, Sprite, Coke, and Diet Coke.
PAUSE ON THE LINE
Domino's Guy:....You're going to give Diet Coke to a room full of guys watching the Gracie fight? No WAY!
Loralee: Uh....actually...that's, um...for me.
Domino's Guy: I KNEW IT!
Tee hee...my guy won.
So, my sister Linny told me that this was the funniest video she had ever seen.
I think I may have to agree with her.
Since I apparently have a 45% resemblance to David Hasselhoff(www.myheritage.com), I found it even more hysterical.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Can someone, anyone help me figure out this out? RSS FEEDS?
Really Simple Syndication my eye.
All I want is to figure out how to get my blog reads sent to me in my email (I have 213 reads...I need to find some way to save time).
I would also like to put a link on mine so people can do the same thing.
I can't figure this out....which one do I choose? Does it even matter? What is the difference between that and ATOM?
I have looked this up and still cannot find an explanation that I am able to grasp, being the techno-tard that I am.
Apparently, I was supposed to be to work at 8 am.
*Disclaimer* This joke is not for everyone. I would never show it to my mother in law (For example).
I decided to watch this clip to cheer myself up, since it worked so well last year.
My basement was FLOODING last summer after a horrible summer storm. It was about 1 week after we put new carpet in and finished a $10,000 renovation to our basement.
I freaked out. (Understandably)
My brother in law said that he wanted to show me something to cheer me up.
I thought about flipping him off, then decided it was either watch the damn thing or deal with the reality of the flood.
Which do you think I chose? (You know me too well).
When it started playing, I think I actually DID flip him off. This type of humor is not really my thing. He swore up and down if I kept watching it would be worth it.
IT SO WAS.
***It may take a second to sink in. Don't worry, you aren't alone.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
It's about time I got off my rear and responded to the "Tag" Amber sent me forever ago!
5 Items in My Fridge:
- Bottle of Roasted Red Peppers (In case of Muhumurrah craving)
- Liquid Minerals (Blame my husband)
- 5 bottles of lemon juice (WTF? Blame me and my forgetfulness that I have some when I'm shopping at the store)
- Cheese Sticks
- Children's Motrin
- Towels and Sheets (I live in a house built by dairy hands in the 1910's. NO STORAGE)
- My hard as hell to obtain Roots Beret from the 2002 SLC Olympics (Never worn as it was then considered stupid and cliche)
- Purple, suede, Doc Martin Mary Janes that I need to give to Karen
- Old performance dress I couldn't bear to get rid of, even though I have no use for it now.
- A big-ass box of golf balls my husband bought. He needs to be prepared in case he ever actually goes golfing, I suppose.
- Camera (The best gift in the world. The worst annoyance for others!)
- My broken, annoying cell phone
- Make up
- Keys (When they aren't lost. Speaking of "Lost". Man, that cliff hanger pissed me off.)
- Reciept for my ticket to see AIR SUPPLY!!!!!
5 Items in My Car:
- 5 million straw wrappers from my Diet Coke fixes
- Anti-freeze (Because my radiator is on it's way OUT and I have to keep refilling it)
- Fishing tackle box and pole (Just in case I have a fishing emergancy)
5 Things I've Done Today (My contribution to keep it fresh)
- Talked with James's teacher about his progress. He has come really far and worked hard. YAY!
- Took out the trash
- Ordered Concert Tickets
- Attempted to catch up on my mammoth blog-read-list (something may have to be done. Too much, even for me)
- Had "Helen Keller Sex". (Jon and I discovered a very private nook in a very public "Place"(No, I will never tell where). You have to be VERY quiet so that you aren't discovered and it is pitch black. Makes for a pretty interesting time.
Your Turn: (Let's pick on a few of the newbies. Grin.)
To get my mind off of foreboding, I tried to distract myself from fearful wallowing and found this quiz on CLARE'S blog across the pond.
I am a proud and loyal American. However, in this quiz you have to opt to be named Bubba, eat hotdogs, belch a beer or two and want world domination to be given the USA. (I'm beginning to think that the world is not fond of America...just a hunch...) ;)
Given my UK obsession, my results did bring a bit of a grin (Though my stomach is still in knots). Needless to say after outing myself about romances, I had to laugh at the rest of it.
|Which country should you REALLY be living in?|
The United Kingdom
You have pride in yourself and pride in your country. You believe that history and culture is an important factor to the future of your country, and that traditions and values should be upheld. You love your scones and tea, and reading soppy romance novels. The UK is where you should be...
I don't know what's wrong with me. I have had a growing sense of anxiety today. Something is just wrong, and I have no idea WHAT. It can't be blamed on PMS (Trust me on this one.)
Maybe it's that I had a challenging therapy session today?
Maybe it is because work can be stressful?
Maybe it is because it is Memorial Day coming up and close to what would have been Matthew's 3rd birthday? (June 7).
Maybe it is nothing but my anxiety issues?
I have no idea, but my stomach just hurts. I feel like everyone I love is going to POOF! and disappear, that every idea I have is laughable, every attempt wrong, gauche, and awkward.
I can't really describe it better, except to say that I am very AFRAID of something and cannot for the life of me figure out what. Usually when I get this kind of foreboding I know damn well that I have done something to cause it and am bracing to face the music. Not this time. I have no idea who, what or why...I just know that I want it to go away.
Far, far away.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
I'm glad I am not the only one with an appreciation for fine literature.
This link (Sent by Little Amy) made me HOWL and laugh about my darkest secret.
Yes, it is true.
I READ ROMANCE NOVELS, AND I ENJOY THEM!
I think I felt a huge ripple from "The Force". Like millions of souls crying out in pain...Probably just the English Department at Bemidji State sticking forks in their eyeballs in unison.
I don't blame you.
I KNOW what it looks like.
I'm mortified, really. Jonathan outed me about this to my entire Parent Organization board and I wanted to crawl under the table.
They are a lovely escape. They also make for wonderful White Elephant gifts. I gave one to Brian Joy at my Christmas party entitled, "His Pregnancy Ultimatum". HA HA HA HA HA.
I am a terrible girlie-girl sometimes. Hey, I also love playing in the dirt, military shows and guns, so cut me some slack. I primarily read it for the girl stuff...you know...dresses, chivalry and castle-dwelling fantasy. I also just read them for the articles...
Seriously, though. It's not about the sex. No one believes me, but it's true. I am just not turned on by it. In fact, one of my favorite games in the world was a competition that I had going on with my equally romance-loving friend. We would call each other and try to top the word substitution for "Penis". The most often used (Staff, manhood and rod coupled with descriptions such as throbbing, hardened, quivering, and bulging) got fairly boring after awhile.
One day, I found it. THE ULTIMATE WINNER THAT WOULD NEVER, EVER BE TOPPED AND I FOUND IT! (You ready?!)
"His Purple Helmeted Warrior".
Not kidding. Such a favorite.
Sex in these things is just too unrealistic, even for me, EVEN in a romance. While the virgin having multiple orgasm chapters may be one part I mock, I do like a lot of things about a good romance. One draw is that I am a dramatic person drawn to pure drama (Duh). You can't get more drama than a romance. Pure Heroine.
I also like the predictability of the main characters:
The Hero. ***To qualify. Fabio is icky. So are most book covers. It is a shopping criteria. No picture is best, but it must, at least, be put in a bookplate inside the cover. Minimizes purchase trauma somewhat.***
He's rich and handsome...Usually in a flawed way...The writer usually opts for a scar of one kind or another. If he has scars on his back from being flayed, it is good. If the flaying is a miscarriage of justice, it is better. If it is a miscarriage of justice suffered to protect the woman he loves, or his beloved pet spaniel, it is pure romance triumph.
He is gruff and cynical to the world. Usually it is due to aforementioned injustices that have turned him from a kind, caring soul to someone hardened by the world. (Sorry...couldn't help it!)
He is always an excellent horseman with a fiery-tempered stallion and has closets full of gleaming riding boots. Adored by his housekeeper that has known him since he was a child.
Usually named, Jason, Alexander, Ian, or Jamie.
Enter The Heroine:
Unaware of her devastating beauty, young, virginal and "feisty". She can be poor or rich, but it is usually poor...unless she is the daughter of parents who are marrying her off against her will to aforementioned "Bastard" who masquerades as the love of her life. She breaks down the iron chains around the Hero's heart and they both fall madly in love.
Often has masculine names or nicknames like Douglas, Alex, or Tyler. Alexandra, Victoria, Meagan, and Melissa are favorties.
Oh, and she is usually blessed with creamy bosoms, glorious hair, and impossibly long eyelashes that curl against her cheeks as she sleeps. Just in case you didn't know.
There is always an antagonist, always a tragedy, usually a breakup and ALWAYS a happy ending.
Oh, hell I am a sad sack.
NO WONDER I AM IN THERAPY.
Maybe reading a romance would cheer me up...
Monday, May 22, 2006
I have been so hammered from this week that I did crap-o-la this whole morning.
This was pretty much IT:
Watched E! THS-Who's The Boss?
- Pondered what would have happened if Tony Danza had perished on the slopes of my homestate.
- Reflected that Tony Danza actually saw Judith Light Buck Neckid on the second episode.
- That, yes, Angela Bowers really did have the most out of control roots of anyone in the history of 80's sitcoms. She was ahead of her time (Think Heather Locklear)
- I knew that Jonathan was gay. It was completely obvious.
- I found Alyssa Milano completely annoying during WTB, but actually liked her a great deal on "Charmed".
- I want to be as perverted as Mona when I am in my early 60's.
- Tony Danza has a talk show. I found this out about 3 hours before I found out it's now cancled. Must have caused a lot of buzz.
Watched E! THS-Charles In Charge.
- Pondered how he hell Scott Baio dated so many Playboy women. Seriously. He seems like he would be amusing to hang on, but good freaking hell! Is there anyone that is blonde and with implants he hasn't dated?
- Nicole Eggers got breast implants when on Baywatch. She thought they sucked and had them removed.
- Scott and her apparently shared "Chemistry" though she was about 16/17. Bleck.
- I didn't think that Chachi was all that spectacular. The Fonz? RULES FOREVER. I heart Henry Winkler.
- Willie Ames thought that his name was unfortunate. I'm with him on that one.
- Willie Ames also ditched his drug habit and became a Christian. My favorite was finding out that he played an action hero named, "Bible Man" and moved to Kansas City to make fishing shows.
Things that make you go, hmmmm...
I think that they need to have an "80's" channel on cable TV.
I would so watch it obsessively:
Some of my favorite Television Shows were on in the 80's:
Heart to Heart,3-2-1 Contact (I really only watched it to see "The Bloodhound Gang"), Fantasy Island, The Love Boat, Silver Spoons, Family Ties, Cosby Show, Punky Brewster, Moonlighting, Crazy Like A Fox, Fame, Paper Chase, Dynasty, The Colby's, Falcon Crest, Dallas, Facts of Life, Different Strokes....
I almost feel the need to wear some shoulder pads and get my hair permed. Almost.
What did y'all watch? Saturday Cartoons are disqualified from this question...that is a whole other category (Although you will notice I love Smurfette in my profile). Sucks, I know...
For those still teething in the 80's, which shows do you think will become childhood "Classics"?
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Preparing for a huge garage sale is hell. Add a BBQ for 25 on the same night, on top of everything you deal with in life and you pretty much have lunacy and exhaustion. I am almost used to both, but this week has been a bit much for me.
Because of all the work and chaos, I have neglected my little internet space.
Translation: I've been posting like a normal person.
Since we all know I am not a normal person, I obviously have to "Stop the normalcy" and spew some more in your general direction.
Jonathan's 30th Birthday BBQ
Quite the event!
Jon and I love hosting BBQ's. I haven't done many lately, cause life has kinda sucked a big, fat one the last couple of years. Although my party skills were rusty. it was good to be back on the hostess circuit.
It is probably not a good idea to have a huge garage sale and a BBQ for 25 on the same day.
I was a frazzled mess.
I had a lot of help from my family and my lovely friend, Michelle helped me plan, execute and made Jonathan's "Birthday Cake" of Fruit Pizza. (Which was divine).
I also had liquid support.
For the uneducated , the Diet Coke (MINE)is on the right.
The Dr. Pepper (NOT mine) is on the left.
I barely got myself showered before the guests came, but I ended up looking fairly non-gross, so I was happy.
Everyone really enjoyed themselves.
These are friends, Bryan and Zac. They're roomies (I've known Bryan for forever and Zac was immediately in my circle of friends when they became housemates. ZaC is not to be confused with ZacH...their other roommate. I usually just call them, "The ZacK's". Sort of Dr. Suess-y...)
ZAC TAKES THE AWARD FOR WEIRD FACE PICTURES
He is also tied with KAREN, for "Best Photo Lurker" Award. She was so steal-like while invading Brigdy and I trying out our "myspace angles".
Zac was much more subtle. I didn't even notice these at first...They made me laugh my ass off.
One of my closest friends, Chelle, came with her hubby Jon and two of their kids, Andrew (Who is going to be President one day) and Miss Gracie (I am the president of her fan club). Chelle helped me organize, plan, shop and made the fruit pizza and a divine blackbean and corn salsa.
P.S. I want Andrew's shirt...:D
Jonathan not only did a great job manning "The Grill"(With a much needed break provided by Chelle's hubby, John), but he just has WAY too much fun pouring accelerator on stuff and lighting it on fire.
My boys had a blast and were so glad to have a bunch of kiddies to run around with.
Brigitte and I have to have a photo of me molesting her at every function we attend. It's become a pretty funny tradition. One day I'll do a post and put the whole gallery on display, if she gives me permission.
Other Loved Ones at the party:
Camille (And her son, Toby) and Kyle (They got "Together" at our 4th of July BBQ last year)
My sister, Melly and her husband Brian came along with my niece Katy. All were VERY helpful in preparation.
Jonathan's Buddies, Matt, Trent, and Max.
Ed and Scott without their marijuana-loving dogs (Another long story. NO, they didn't give it to them).
It was a great night-Good friends, food and conversation. Jonathan loved it, and that was the most important thing. At the end of the night, I stood on my porch and just admired the twinkly loveliness of bonfires, torches and party lights. I breathed in the smell of fresh cedar chips, herbs and flowers and was pretty damn happy.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Thursday, May 18, 2006
I know that I am not supposed to post this much about food, but what can I do? My friend, Holly, is leaving for her summer internship with an Architecture firm in Salt Lake (Then to study in France and England) and we took her out to dinner, so food is included.
Holly is a very talented design student who makes amazing pieces of art out of everything she touches.
Karen, Brian Joy, Sherry and I took Holly to Le Nonne this evening to wish her luck in her internship and say congratulations on studying in the UK (Between bouts of rabid jealousy that caused some mouth-foaming and the occasional proclamation of, "YOU WENCH!").
I like La Nonne. This place is run by a guy who is from Italy and he named it "The grandmothers" because his grandma taught him how to cook...cute, huh? Although, my hair was absolutely NOT cute this evening because I had exactly five minutes to throw it together after work. Where was my 40 minute allotment for showering and actually applying make-up and hair, you ask??? Okay, FINE! Stop whining for two seconds, and I'll tell you.
I had to rescue my father from a terrible scam that involved fraudulant PayPal phishing. It required calming down my worried-as-hell parents, and ALSO required several emails, phone calls, and instruction on how to spot fraudulent emails. I informed him that you really CAN ignore the little red exclamation mark that says "URGENT" and the use of said symbol is a 99.8% dead giveaway that it has been sent by some evil, soul-shriveled individual trying to suck your hard earned retirement away, so he can pay for penis enlargement surgery.
So, it was the suck of a hair evening. I guess it wasn't as bad as earlier in the day when I tried to do the mutated "Wing" look, and ended up looking like I should have been featured on an episode of VH1's Behind the Music of "Old, whored-out, Guns N' Roses, Groupies"...
What the hell was I talking about?
I won't bore you with the details, but there were some lovely desserts...piles of chocolate-dipped, creme puffs with raspberries, creme brulee and a wine-poached pear, dipped in chocolate.
We had great conversation, Holly showed us her portfolio (She is truly brilliant) and we had a good deal of laughter. We also reminisced over our various memories like my horrifying and disappointment in the quest for a decent Portebello-Cap sandwich and the fact that I have written several chapters of two romance novels in my life. I tried to justify the last one by calling it a "HISTORICAL Romance" so it wasn't REALLY the same thing.
At least I got to research the crap out of 18th century Scotland, which I could do (And did) all day long.
There was a tiny moment of DUH from me. Did y'all really think there wouldn't be? I was talking and laughing so much (As usual) that I handed the waitress the wrong debit card. It was for my small bank account that mainly contains my "Me" money for small things like Diet Cokes, movies, etc. It usually only has $200 TOPS in it. It currently has $7.28. NOT enough for dinner.
I didn't even realize my oops until the extremely nice waitress informed me my card was declined.
Super embarrassing, but not really a biggie. Except I couldn't find the right card and thought I lost it again. THAT would have been a big, old, HUGE "Biggie", my friends. I mentioned that I have lost 3 sets of keys and my bank card SIX times in the last two years, right? I only got the latest replacement card last week.
Even my patient husband would have finally cracked, I think.
Lucky for me, I located it and everything was cool.
We bid Holly farewell and good luck. She will be up a lot on the weekends and I am hoping to see her over the summer. Pictures from England are a MUST.
Brian and Sherry kindly took me home. Sherry is going to come to see "Air Supply" with me, Karen and Mary Ellen! Yay! Now, I just need to convince BRIAN.
Alas, it is unlikely, as he gave his very firm opinion of them. He doesn't hold anything back, does he? At least it wasn't a repetative barfing gesture or one-finger salute so I guess I should count my blessings...
I have a post I have been working on, but I am SLAMMED this week!!!
That said, I have to share this information before I DIE.
I AM GOING TO SEE AIR SUPPLY!!! May 29th, baby.
I think I am going to faint. Erasure and Air Supply in one month. Check one more off the "Life concert wish list".
I know, 90% of the populous thinks I am lame, but I HEART AIR SUPPLY!!!
If you have any doubt, check out my excitement HERE!
Now I just have to see Neil Diamond, Barry Manilow, tell Oingo Boingo to get back together and resurrect Karen Carpenter from the dead...
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Today is my husband, Jonathan's 30th Birthday!!!! Yes, he's younger than I am, believe it or not.
To partially celebrate (We're having a BBQ on Saturday), we went out to Logan's "Other" sushi restaurant, HAPPY SUSHI.
I have been scared of this place for a while. I can't help it. They had a handmade sign in the window for a long time and it just looked kinda scary.
This fact caused my friends, Karen (Who reminded me that we did, in fact, have more than one sushi place in Cache Valley) and Zac (Happy Sushi is his favorite restaurant, despite his hatred of cooked seafood. Raw seafood is peachy, but cooked is of SATAN.) to chastise me mildly.
We decided to check it out. Jon is not fond of sushi at all, but he really loves Teriayki Beef, so we had a good compromise.
I LOVE THIS PLACE.
We ordered fried Gyoza (YUM) and their tempura veggies kick tale (ASPARAGUS! Ummm). I had the "Sexy Roll", and it was deeeliiiicious!
No, I'm not raping it or planning star in Sushi Porn...Jon just had weirdo camera timing.HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEETPEA.