Looney Tunes

Talking about teens. And drinking. And driving.

2011-10-25T01:51:00.001-06:00

When I was studying opera in college, there was one particular person that stayed with me in my memory.

Her name was Betty.

She was much older than most of the students...probably in her late 40's.

The reason she stays in my memory is not because she was vocally gifted, she wasn't, really...I remember her because one day we were talking and I asked why she always had some kind of M.A.D.D paraphernalia on her, be it a bag or a pin or such.

Turns out that she had not one, but TWO children killed by drunk drivers.

In SEPARATE incidences, years apart.

And BOTH of the people driving drunk were underage drinkers.

I've thought an awful lot about her over the years...especially after losing my own little one.

You have a lot of fear as a parent anyway, but I think I have a LOT more fear and worry and over-protectiveness that happens since Matthew died than I would have probably had otherwise.

I've come to the internet to talk about a lot of things that worry me, especially as a parent. I've asked you if you would buy condoms for your kids, I have asked you if I should let my 12-year-old start riding the bus to go places by himself, we've discussed how to talk to your kids about things like death and religion, what to do about 'introducing' my toddler to the big brother who passed away that he will never know, and how to get a child to be less emotionally attached to objects (Dude. I held a funeral for a balloon with a face on it that popped. It was a big problem.) And every time your feedback has been helpful to me. There is something about broaching a subject and having a discussion with people online that is really beneficial for me in lots of ways. For whatever reason, it often helps me come to, or solidify a decision. Maybe that is why I have been blogging so long, who knows?

So, today we have another topic that has been weighing on my mind for the last, oh, FIFTEEN YEARS or so.

(To continue reading click here)

James just turned 15 and started high school this year.

In less than a year's time he will be driving.

You have no idea how much this scares the holy hell out of me as a parent.

For so many reasons.

ENTER UNDERAGE DRINKING.

MIX THAT WITH DRIVING.

EQUALS THE EQUATION OF LORALEE FREAKING THE FREAKING FREAK OUT.

So, here is the thing.

I was a GOOD kid in high school.

I didn't smoke.

I didn't do drugs.

(CONTRARY to the opinion of my parents who told me not long ago that "We always just assumed you were on drugs". Mmmm....k, thanks?!) (Seriously, what does one DO with that information?) (Yeah, I may be a bit eccentric at times, but damn...) (Actually, I was not only never on drugs, I was probably the most naive person in the WORLD about drugs. For reals.) (In fact, the first time drugs came on my radar I was in college, walking late at night with a group of people and someone commented "WOW, someone is hitting the marijuana HARD tonight!" and I sniffed the air and BRILLIANTLY EXCLAIMED, "Man. That smells like burning weeds." Yes. I know. )

I also didn't drink as a teenager.

(Well, that is not entirely true. I full on cop to underage drinking exactly ONCE, but I was in college.) (Not that that is any excuse, mind you.) (I totally bowed to peer pressure.) (I had a roommate from Orange County.) (Not that Orange County is full of teenage lushes or anything, but ya know...she was about a million times more experienced than the chick from Bountiful, Utah, ya know?) (She came home from a trip across the state line to Idaho with a bottle of vodka and a gallon of orange juice and I was introduced to The Screwdriver.)(Man, was I drunk.) (It was awful.) (I didn't know you were, um, supposed to drink water.)(I made a 2 HOUR drunk dial phone call (LONG DISTANCE ON A COLLEGE BUDGET, MIND YOU) to my ex-boyfriend.)(I vaguely recall alternating hysterical crying with throwing up.)(I'm also pretty sure I told the very scared looking pizza delivery guy that I wanted to have his babies.) (Or something.)(And I woke up with the most horrible and unbelievable hangover EVER EXPERIENCED.)(I literally puked for 4-days.)(It took me about 4-years before I would even TOUCH orange juice.) (And another, oh...11-years before I touched another drop of alcohol.)(So, I would say that was a freaking powerful lesson, no?)

Where was I again?

Oh, yes...teen drinking.

It scares the living crap out of me.

I have seen what happens to the lives and futures of kids who have drinking and drug issues as teens.

It's a life ruiner.

And that is if you are lucky enough to STAY alive, unlike Betty's children.

I worry that when James starts driving next year, I will think of them most of the times he walks out the door with the keys until he is back safe at home.

So, what to do?

Well, honestly...my husband and I have spent a freakish amount of time discussing things like this and I didn't really think there was much we could actually DO in this situation other then just monitor the best we could as parents.

Then I got an email that perked my interest...it was about a personal breathalyzer.

And not just a breathalyzer...it's the first one of its kind to be able to remotely access the information. Your kid blows in the straw and it takes a full face photo of the person blowing into the straw, a GPS location of where they tested, a time stamp and their alcohol level, then it's sent to a smart phone or email address within seconds:

I didn't know anything like this existed.

Pretty impressive.

And it seems pretty darn fool proof in the technology.

(Although my geeky-I-can-beat-any-system-husband wonders about that.) (But you are talking about a guy who was an EXTREMELY precocious kid who was so intellectually board that he did, um, interesting things in his youth to liven things up.) (Like taking his parent's van out at night AT THE FREAKING AGE OF TWELVE to joyride around Logan listening to Tiffany in his Member's Only jacket.) (SEE THE THINGS I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GENETICALLY WITH MY CHILDREN, DUDES?!)

And it opened up a whole SLEW of questions for my husband and I. (You know, aside from that whole "I could probably create some method to bypass it because I am just that smart and just give me time, woman!" conversation.)(Which, no offense, I just doubt highly.)

Would we use something like this on our kids? I mean...I do NOT believe that a teen's privacy is sacrosanct but...I also know that trust and privacy are important.

Talking to your kid (repeatedly) about things like this is important. My kids (right now, that is) don't strike me as kids that want to experiment with it. They are more interested in Mormonism (no drinking with that) and they lecture me when I curse. And really...where we live being sober is the cool thing to do. But I also fear it can mean being too naive about drinking (like I was) and lead to some really crappy situations, too.

Humans are humans.

Kids are kids.

And teens, as well all know, can be into things at 17 that they aren't interested in at 15.

And my kid's lives and futures are too important to just rely utterly that they would never try it...or never drink and drive.

What the hell to do?

I think after a lot of discussion I have come to a couple of conclusions. I don't think something like this product will be purchased before I allow him to drive. I have built up enough trust in enough situations that I don't think I would use it right from the get go.

BUT.

I am not THAT naive...I know that if someone is that hell bent to do something, eventually they WILL find a way.

And if I had one WHIFF that there was a problem?

That he had tried drinking?

That he had close friends experimenting with alcohol? (Because anyone who has been a teen knows that your friends influence you FAR more than anything else as a teen.) (After members of the opposite sex, of course.)

AND I WOULD HAVE HIM BLOWING IN TO THIS SUCKER EVERY FREAKING TIME HE LEFT THE HOUSE. (Assuming he wasn't grounded until the end of time, that is.)

If I were a teen and I had to participate in it, I would HATE it utterly but as a parent, I don't really care how much I would have hated it as a kid.

I'd do it and have zero qualms about it.

My goal is neither to have them emerge as non-drinking adults or adults who do drink...my goal is just to have them stay as unharmed as possible legally, physically and emotionally until they become responsible adults.

I know, better than most, that at the end of the day there is only so much you can do to really protect your children.

BUT...

That doesn't mean I will not freaking TRY as hard as I can, you know?

Thanks to SoberLink for sponsoring this discussion. We'd love to hear your take and experiences about teen drinking, driving and if you were also really, really stupid in college. Or ya know...when you were twelve. ;)

P.S. My husband would like me to clarify that not only was he very stupid and young at twelve, but that he is now an EXTREMELY upstanding and responsible person who never drank underage nor did drugs of any kind.

P.P.S. I am also supposed to mention that he was NOT "joy riding" around Logan. His parents were out of town and he wanted to return an overdue video and his bike tires were flat. (It conjures up images of Anthony Micheal Hall having a fake ID to vote, no?)

P.P.P.S. Sigh...AND he neither owned a Members Only jacket NOR listened to Tiffany.

P.P.P.P.S. Way to ruin a perfectly AWESOME visual image with honesty, Jonathan.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. ;)

MasterCard MarketPlace: A smarter way to shop online. Win a $100 MasterCard from BlogHer!

2010-12-22T11:35:00.004-07:00

This is a sponsored review from BlogHer and MasterCard MarketPlace.

I have always had to be very money conscious when I shop and I am always on
the look out for ways to stretch a dollar or nab a great deal.

I have fallen IN LOVE with online shopping. There is no better place PERIOD
to find the best bang for your buck. So, I was very excited when BlogHer
offered me the opportunity to check out MasterCard MarketPlace.

It's a pretty sweet site, people. It's very easy to sign up, their tutorials
and help section is excellent and holy deals GALORE, Batman! There are great
savings that happen all year round, but there are some especially great
deals during the holiday season.

FOR example...I was having fun, browsing around, when I saw that there was
an offer for Buy.com.(I love this site.) I clicked over and lo and behold!

I saw them.

Diamond stud earrings.

I have wanted diamond stud earrings for as long as I can remember
(especially wrapped up under my Christmas tree!) but I have never been able
to afford them.

And there was a GORGEOUS pair that retailed for $500 that had been marked
down to $99 bucks. (This offer was available when my post went live but may no longer be available.)

With all of my discounts, I ended up with 1/3 carat diamond earrings for $75 bucks.

HOW AWESOME IS THAT?

For the holiday season every day (until December 24th) at 1pm EST,
MasterCard® cardholders can take advantage of Holiday Overwhelming offers
(OO) at 50% off on top brands by registering at MasterCard MarketPlace.

It's Black Friday 7-days a week, people.

Since these offers go so quickly, so I would recommend signing up for the
email alerts to get notice of them in your inbox. (Also, practice typing...some of
these offers go FAST and typing the word verification in time can be
tricky.)

Like I announced in the title, BlogHer is giving away a $100 MasterCard (and
just think how much further it would go on MasterCard MarketPlace, y'all!)

Check out the official rules on BlogHer and make sure you go here for more
chances to win!

Rules:

No duplicate comments.

You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry
methods:

a) Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post

b) Tweet about this promotion and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment
on this post

c) Blog about this promotion and leave the URL to that post in a comment on
this post

d) Read the official rules for alternate form of entry.

Sweepstakes ends 5 PM PST on December 31, 2010.

This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older.

Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail.

You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be
selected.

The Official Rules are available here.

Win an iPad from BlogHer!

2010-12-20T14:30:00.005-07:00

This is a compensated review by BlogHer.

I'm totally stoked to be a part of BlogHer's iPad giveaway.

As many of you know, BlogHer recently re-designed their site and added a whole bunch of new features and improvements. (Please ignore the eleventyhundred tabs I keep open at the top of my browser, m'kay?)

I'd like to tell you about a couple of them that are my particular favorites.

Series and Features: I love this. I actually did a series on homeschooling for BlogHer and I like that there are things that are not just stand alone posts, but a series of information that we can look forward to and rely on.

She vs. Her: I LOVE this addition. It's when two bloggers take opposing sides to an issue and everyone talks and discusses it and how they feel. I am VERY excited to announce that I will be doing the first "She vs. He" at the end of the year with BackPacking Dad. (So keep your eyes peeled, people!)
Most Popular: This is probably my favorite addition to BlogHer. It tells you which posts are hottest in regards to comments, traffic and "sparkles" (favorites) from readers. It is handy to quickly check out what 'the buzz' is in the BlogHer world!

I LOVE BlogHer. And I hope that you do, too! And if you don't, I hope you get to know it better, because I think you'll fall in love with it, too. It's a terrific community and I couldn't be prouder to be a part of it!

Now for the fun part! BlogHer is giving away an iPad. Click here to enter and read the rules. It runs until December 26th! Good luck! I hope you win!

COMMENTS OFF (You know, so you can go enter over there!!!)

Thanksgiving Holiday Traditions: $100 Visa Gift Card giveaway from Welch's

2010-11-08T13:22:00.014-07:00

This is a sponsored post from BlogHer and Welch's.

Is your family big on holiday traditions?

Mine is.

And I am fond of many of them, really.

Especially the ones we have on Thanksgiving. Christmas Eve is my number ONE favorite night of the year, but Thanksgiving is a close second. It has everything, really...family, fun, tradition and pumpkin pie.

We do NOT watch football and we DO assemble huge puzzles, lounge about, laugh, and it is, of course, the time that we break out Christmas Carols and sing and then that night we always (usually) (some of the time) (really it is highly dependent on my sanity and preparedness level) set up our Christmas tree and decorate the house.

Most important on the list: EAT.

My family is HUGE on food. And even HUGER on PIE. (I don't care what you say, Webster. 'Huger' is TOTALLY a word.)

We have simple tradition in my family: We only make pumpkin pie.

LOTS of pumpkin pie.

About 2-3 dozen every Thanksgiving, depending on the year and my mother's energy. Again, they are all pumpkin. I DO make 2 chocolate pudding pies on my own time because my husband doesn't like pumpkin pie.

(I KNOW, right?!)

(I seriously don't know how he copes.)

(Although, that also means there is more pie for me, so really, I think I'm OK with it.)

This is one of my very favorite holiday traditions and memories: making pie for thanksgiving with my mother and sisters. It began the way most of the truly memorable and loved traditions in families start...by all being together and doing something that brings you closer as a family unit. We all love pie, my mother makes the best pie crust on the planet and working together to make the quantity we consume takes teamwork and includes lots of love and laughter. (Unless someone is really cranky. But then we just through little balls of pie dough at one another until the bad mood goes away. You should try it sometime. Pie dough wars can be hugely therapeutic.)

We start making pies about 3-days before Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving breakfast is ALWAYS a slice of pie.

(Hush. It's fabulous, y'all.).

(I probably shouldn't mention that I LOVE, err...'sampling' the pumpkin pie mix.)

(Yup, you heard me. I could drink it by the cupfuls.)

(Again, hush! Do not knock until you've tried it.)

(And no horror stories about salmonella, either!)

(If I die from it, I die a happy, happy woman!)

(Is it weird that I love this and loathe eggnog?)

(Probably.)

Where were we again?

Oh, yes! Holiday traditions!

I love the family traditions we have. Well, I love MOST of the holiday traditions we have. But there are a couple that I am very decidedly NOT fond of. One of them being...(looking around to see if maternal parental figure is somehow lurking around the shadowy corners of this blog)...my mother's annual "Red Punch".

I. cannot. stand. it.

The recipe is straightforward. Take 2 liters of fizzy lemon-lime soda and dump a big bottle of Hawaiian Punch Concentrate into it.

Now, look, I am not out to be hating on Hawaiian Punch, but I just DO NOT LIKE this punch. I didn't as a child and to be honest, the feeling hasn't diminished with my advancing age over the years.

Every year we beg her to make something else, but no...Thanksgiving is at her house, her recipe stands.

UNTIL THIS YEAR!

We are having Thanksgiving at my brothers.

AND GUESS WHO MANAGED TO PULL OFF GETTING THE DRINK ASSIGNMENT?! (I know, I know...I'm brilliant.)

I'm really excited to try something new, and as it happens, Welch's and BlogHer came around just in time to save my punch-making heiny for Thanksgiving. When I buy juice, it is almost ALWAYS Welch's and I love these recipes. Growing up in a non-drinking household, we buy Welch's sparkling juices a lot for holidays. All the fun fizz, without the alcohol. And I am grateful that there are so many options I can make and serve at the various family gatherings we have over the holidays.

I'm really leaning towards making their Sparkling Cranberry Punch to take with me to Thanksgiving dinner. It looks divine and a huge improvement on the red punch of yesteryear.

I admit, I am a tiny bit sad about losing the red punch of my childhood as a family tradition but VERY excited (and ready) to start a new tradition. Isn't that what it's all about when you have a family of your own, anyway? Incorporating existing traditions to new ones?

As I mentioned, I am giving away a $100 Visa Gift Card in this giveaway. (YAY!)

The way to answer this giveaway is to answer two questions: WHICH RECIPE WOULD YOU PICK? WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FAMILY HOLIDAY AND IS IT NEW OR LONG STANDING?

Make sure you check out the other holiday stories on the BlogHer roundup page for 11 more chances to win! Don’t forget to check out my review post next week for 2 more chances to win!

For a second entry, you can:

1. Tweet about this post with a link to it (and put your tweet URL in a separate comment below)

2. Blog about this post with a link to it (and put your blog post URL in a separate comment below)

3. Follow this link and provide your email address and your response to the sweepstakes prompt.

Sweepstakes ends 5 PM PST on December 31, 2010.

For Official Rules click here: http://goo.gl/PPqgR.

Younger Brother, World's largest snitch!

2010-10-14T18:56:00.004-06:00

This is sponsored content from
BlogHer and LG Text Ed

Each comment left on this post benefits DoSomething.org with a $0.50 donation!

My husband and I are big on trust with our children. We have been talking about it to them since they were little. When they are caught lying or when they make poor choices, they know that along with a consequence we let them know that it hurt our trust with them. We have also made it clear that the amount of freedom we allow them as teenagers will not depend on their ages, but on our level of trust with them.

We gave my 14-year-old his first cellphone last year. His 11-year-old brother is currently trying very hard to prove to us that he is responsible enough to have a phone soon. He is not quite there with us yet. I honestly thought 13 was too young for our son to have a cell phone but he had legitimate need for it as he travels by bus to get to his father's house for visitation and to wrestling practice and we need to be able to reach him.

When we got it for him we told him that how he handles the use of his phone will be a huge chance to show us how responsible (or not) that he is. We also reminded him that it would behoove him to be as responsible as possible when it comes to his phone because 16 is not too far off for him. Turning 16 may mean that they have the legal right to drive, it does NOT mean that they automatically get the RIGHT to drive.

And if he cannot be responsible with a cell phone, I told him his father and I would have major doubts about trusting him with a car. And we would have an even harder time trusting him with a cellphone IN a car. We've had the "texting and driving" talk. He's a few years off from it, but I figure it can't hurt, right? Since more and more studies seem to show that teens don't equate texting in the same realm as driving under the influence (and since it is a much more socially acceptable thing and habit than teen drinking might be), we repeatedly tell our kids that texting and driving impairs you as much as driving under the influence or sleepy driving.

We are also training his younger brother to be the world's largest snitch.

My kids already know that texting and driving will result in huge consequences. Huge consequences meaning they will not have the privilege of using phone nor car if they do it. And they may be locked in a tower until they turn 40*. It may sound strict and mean and horrible to them, but I am ok with that as long as my kids stay alive and in one piece.

How do YOU handle teen texting and driving? I'd love to know. Not only will it be a great conversation butDoSomething.org (an organization that uses "the power of online to get teens to do good stuff offline") will receive a $.50 donation for each comment on this post up to a total of $5,000, so I hope you will join in and comment your heads off, peeps!

*The tower thing is probably negotiable. Maybe.

Visit LG Text Ed and read tips from Dr. Joel Haber on how to teach our teens to turn off their mobile phones before they start their car. You can also watch Emmy award winning actress, Jane Lynch, as she teaches parents how to talk to their teens about the dangers of texting while driving.

DoSomething.org is one of the largest organizations in the US that helps young people rock causes they care about. $0.50 donation per comment on any "LG Text Ed - Moms Discuss Teens and Texting" post, up to $5000 total.

$100 giveaway and 6-month supply of 8th Continent Soy Milk (And enter to win a room makeover from Home Line and adventure package from Caravan Tours)

2010-09-24T14:32:00.013-06:00

This is a sponsored post from 8th Continent and BlogHer.

I have had MANY a parenting fail.

As in, MANY.

I like to title this one, "Why bother with the birds and the bees when you can just scare the hell out of them?"

“Son, before we finish eating, Mom and Dad need to talk to you about the rules regarding our bedroom door. What is our rule?”

“That we have to knock when we come in.”

“Yes. YOU MUST KNOCK BEFORE COMING IN. Now, you have been having a BIG
problem keeping that rule. You almost never knock and it’s gotten to the point that we need to talk about it. For example, tonight when Mom and Dad were laying down, and you kept coming in, did you knock first? Even after we reminded you?”

“No, but I am always just tempted to open the door and come in. Knocking takes a long time.”

“Well, here is the thing, son. I need to find a way to explain this so you will understand why it’s important to knock. So, I’ll be blunt. A lot of the time that Mom and Dad are in their bedroom, they are NAKED. Not only NAKED, but Mom and Dad also like to KISS while NAKED. We like to KISS NAKED A LOT. If you are going to keep barging into our room without knocking, I need to let you know that there is a very good possibility that you are going to see a lot of NAKED KISSING. Unless you knock. Then we have time to not be NAKED and stop KISSING. So…what do you think?”
(Blink. Blink. Blinkity-blink-blink.)

“I don’t think that I will ever be tempted to come into your room ever again.”

“Good plan. Finish your carrots.”

8th Continent put out a line of videos on youtube that SLAY ME, PEOPLE. Check them out,(and follow on Twitter) they are all fabulous though my favorite is below.

How can you watch this and not chuckle?

All of us have done something similar, you know?

I love this statement from 8th Continent, "We know it's not easy being a mom. That's why we salute motherhood for what it is: doing your best every day, and trying not to screw up too much. Of course, nobody's perfect. So we've decided to provide an outlet for your little mistakes, one that just might earn you some peace of mind and embraces the "Good try, mom" moments in all of us."

Which is awesome as WE ARE FULL OF THEM.

I would love to hear what your "parent fail" is as an entry to this giveaway because I think sharing makes all of us feel a whole lot better about this day in and day out job we do called 'parenting'.

Plus, it will give you a chance to get a lot of awesome product and $100 bucks, what could be better?

MY GIVEAWAY ENDS ON 9/30/2010 and make sure you visit the other BlogHer bloggers hosting to have 8 additional chances to win!

AND THERE IS MORE.

8th Continent is having an even bigger, better giveaway on their Facebook Page. Seriously, it's awesome.

Submit your amusing parenting faux pas on our 8th Continent Facebook App and join the hundreds of stories from moms just like you. Share it with your friends and vote on your favorites. You could win a room of choice makeover from Home Line Furniture or the grand prize of a complete adventure package from Caravan Tours. (Note: the year of cleaning service has been already given away)

The Extraordinary Ordinary Family: A fairy tale

2010-09-15T11:00:00.007-06:00

This is sponsored content from BlogHer and ABC's No Ordinary Family.

Once upon a time, in the far away, wild land of Utah, there lived a little family.

And they were extraordianary.

Just not in the way you might think.

For they were very ordinary.

There were no leapers of tall buildings, no one ran faster than a speeding bullet and there were no magical suits of armor worn to slay dragons.

There was just a family with really humble beginnings.

It all started with a REALLY geeky boy with REALLY unfortunate eye wear:

And a dorky, chubby girl with REALLY unfortunate hair:

Like we read at the beginning of our tale, the boy and girl weren’t princes or princesses or anything glittery and high brow like that. No WAY would either of them qualify. I mean…LOOK AT THEM for Pete’s sake! They were probably more in the stall mucker and scullery maid category, but since this is a fairy tale, we’ll just skip the drudgery of THAT reality for now.)

Anyway…

They left their dorky chubbiness and geekiness behind got married:

(Well, the scullery maid left her dorky chubbiness behind. AND she still looks pretty damn awesome if she says so herself.

…The stall mucker is still TOTALLY A GEEK. With a lot less hair. Which is fine as the scullery maid TOTALLY thinks geeks with receding hairlines are HAWT.

(The scullery maid TOTALLY wasn’t intimidated or threatened into making aforementioned declaration about geek hawtness. Or punished for the crack about receding hairlines or anything. For reals.)

The scullery maid and stall mucker went hand and hand through the world and eventually they were awarded the great honor of being stewards of some of the finest lads in all the land.

Even though they can be total weirdos at times.

In addition to the two fine lads, the family became complete with the birth of a fine, red-headed little warrior.

They were a humble but happy little family in their snug little cottage.

All was well-ish.

(I mean, they WERE still scullery maids and stall muckers and well..scullerying and mucking is a dang hard life at times. Still, the little red-headed warrior made everything as happy as it could be.)

Until one very sad, tragic day when a great curse was put on the snug little cottage and the valiant red-head was taken from them.

They were smited and brought low by a great and terrible grief.

There was nary a joyful sculley nor a happy muck to be seen for a very, very long time.

All was dark in the land.

Very dark.

Still, they had the two fine lads that they loved fiercely and they managed to piece their lives back together, though none of them would ever be the same again.

They still had each other.

And through many trials and hard times, they continued to fight, and cling and stay together.

After six long years passed, full of tears, tissues and way, WAY too many grief-consumed-chocolate-covered marshmallows, something happened.

Despite getting, um…up there in years, the scullery maid grew globe-like and the good fairy of the woods granted the little family in the cottage a miracle.

A wee babe.

Thanks to the fact that the stall mucker is the ONLY SINGLE CHROMOSOME STALL MUCKER IN EXISTENCE THAT IS INCAPABLE OF PRODUCING ANYTHING FEMALE LIKE, EVER, a sweet little baby boy was born to fanfare befitting royalty.

Little Prince Butterlump brought joy to all.

He made everything much brighter for the maid, the mucker, and their fine lads. He filled their little cottage with love and laughter and more peace and happiness then any of them thought they would ever feel again.

And at the end of our tale, the scullery maid and the geeky hawt stall mucker managed to stay married and with their fine little lads despite rabid dragons, tulgy woods, evil wizards, foul smelling monsters, hideous trolls, pits of despair, piles and piles of manure and all their mucking baggage and scullery-laden issues.

(Which is pretty awesome, frankly.)

And now, dear reader, I leave you with the moral of our tale: Ordinary people fighting through trial and coming out on the other side whole and still full of love?

Is extraordinary.

What makes YOUR family extrodinary?

I’d love to hear what it is.

ABC’s No Ordinary Family hosted a video contest to find the most EXTRADORDINARY family in America and starting September 27th you can help vote for the winner! Between September 27 and October 1, watch the top 5 video submissions and vote for your favorite. Click here for details and be sure to vote!

Watch the trailer for a sneak-peek of No Ordinary Family:

Visit the official page on abc.com for character bios, photos, videos and more. Also visit the Facebook page and check out other bloggers and their extraordinary stories, too!

Giveaway: $100 gift card to The Gap

2010-09-14T16:15:00.010-06:00

This is sponsored content from BlogHer and GAP.

I love babies.

They make me happy, content and I could snuggle, rock and hold them endlessly. As every mother should, I especially love MY babies.

I have such a difficult time with my babies growing up. Each time they grow out of a size of clothing my heart breaks a little. I always want them to stay in that phase just a little longer.

Lots of people don't overly care for the newborn stage but I love it. In fact, the first year of their little lives is my absolute favorite time. I love and adore everything about it.

When I dress them, I like them to stay looking like babies. Not mini grownups, babies. So, I usually dress them in soft one piece clothing that is comfortable, snuggable and like soft pajamas. Eventually, they start walking and I have to face the fact that they are no longer infants.

And (SOB) that time has come for my little Butterlump, Aaron. He is not a baby anymore--he is a toddler.

This is so HARD for me.

Aaron is my youngest.

My baby.

Possibly the last baby I will have.

I have treasured and soaked up every single stage of his little life and putting away the stages, the outgrown clothing has about done me in every time I have to do it. But even though he has gotten bigger, he has still been A BABY.

Till now.

I put it off as long as humanly possible, but the time came where Aaron has gone from baby to toddler. So, I bit the bullet and we went and bought our little 14-month-old his first pairs of jeans at Baby Gap.

Luckily for my heart, he looks adorable.

I love The Gap.

I always have.

Beyond loving their products (hello, The Perfect Tshirt is named thus for a reason), I've come to really adore the staff at The Gateway Gap in Salt Lake City. I've always had such good customer service. The GM, Linda, runs an excellent ship. I was lucky enough to be styled for BlogHer by Hannah last month and this time around, Lucy helped me pick out some really adorable looks for Aaron. He's at a tricky age to style size-wise, but I think we did really well. His close are a tad bit big on him, but well...that is what you need at 15-months.

I love the tops we picked. They can be worn separately or layered together. I also could not resist the heavy, warm green canvas jacket and wee golf cap for him. He is not a fan of wearing it for long but he looks like such a little man in it, that I put it on him at the slightest opportunity.

I could not be happier with the denim we selected. Gap's 1969 line is adorable. I love the bit of plaid that lines the cuff of the Lil' Loose cut we picked out. And I couldn't say no to the edgy look of the Playdate Straight grey wash jean gave my little pat of butter. Both were able to be cuffed so he has room and time to grow into them. They're tough enough to survive the toddler years and as a mom, I appreciate the tough snap at the waist that LOOKS like a button. :)

I'm glad I survived yet another moment of letting pieces of Aaron's babyhood go in one piece. I just want him to hold my hand and toddle along side me forever.

As much as I wish I could freeze time and keep him my little one, I know that can't be. I have to let him grow up. It was tough but he looks so adorable that it made it all a little easier.

I know that my children have to grow up.

But like millions of other mothers in the world, I look at Aaron and know that he can grow and grow and we can buy him endless pairs of jeans over the years, but...he'll be my baby forever.

AND NOW THE FUN PART FOR YOU ALL!

I am giving away a $100 gift card to The Gap. The giveaway runs from 9/14 until 9/20.

(The official rules are here.)

All you have to do to enter is leave a comment and tell me something you love about The Gap and their products and if you have a favorite "kid age" like I do. (Optional nostalgia and/or tearing up over your kids growing up is optional, though cathartic for the soul.)

And if that fails, just tell me what an adorable kid I have.

*Photo credit: Smiles Portraits, Logan Utah

Stream it

NuSkin/CraziBeautiful "I heart New York Social"!!

2010-09-10T08:39:00.004-06:00

I get to do a lot of fun things as a blogger, but one of the most interesting experiences has been hosting an event at BlogHer 10 in NYC with fellow bloggers, Julie, April,Stephanie, Joanie.

The Nu Skin “I Heart New York” Social.

It was a little crazy putting on an event when there were so many other things going on that weekend but everyone had a great time and our sponsers were amazing to work with.

The NuSkin/CraziBeautiful suite was hosted at The Warwick. It's a gorgeous, boutique hotel and our suite had an amazing wrap around terrace that was unbelievable.

And yes...DIET COKE WAS AVAILABLE!

Our guests were able to check-in and receive their tote from Hobo International. Nu Skin reps were also on hand so our guests were able to learn about their products as well as receive a mini facial using the Galvanic Spa System II. Each guest received Nu Skin’s Tru Face Essence Ultra-Firming Serum so that they could keep experiencing the amazing product at home. (I am a huge fan).

Luminess Air had a makeup artist applying makeup after our facial and we sent everyone home with a personal airbrush make-up kit! I have always wanted a personal airbrush kit and I LOVE mine.

We had gorgeous bracelets from Lisa Leonard, bags containing the BEST LIP BALM I HAVE EVER USED (like ever, ever, ever) by Kristen Bowen Studios, and while people were waiting to get their facials and makeup done they got to thumb through the pages of one beautiful and creative magazine, Where Women Create while eating THE most delicious chocolates.

It was a successful, exciting, event and we could not have done it without our generous and wonderful sponsors which included: Nu Skin, Luminess Air, Hobo International, The New York City Pass, Where Women Create magazine, Lisa Leonard Designs, Kristen Bowen Studios,Whrrl, DELL Outlet, XyloBurst Gum, Bumpits, V Chocolates and Smarties

Photos taken by the lovely Stephanie – TheDailyBlarg.com

- What guests have said –

“I had such a wonderful time at the event. Not only did a meet some new bloggers but I also was able to be exposed to a few new brands. I think this was such a well organized event and you ladies worked your rears off, so thank you for making my first night of BlogHer so memorable. I couldn’t have started it off better.” – Kristin

” I schmoozed with the fun and fab hosts of the party who I adored, took in the wonderful city view from their patio and appreciated the easier cadence of this more quaint event- and they gave me a fab goodie bag filled with lots of beauty booty and a 1 day NYC sight seeing pass.” – Romy

“Started out with the Crazi Beautiful I Heart NY party-this was BY FAR the BEST party we went to…The swag was the best, the hosts actually WANTED to meet you…This party was REALLY the most well-done.” – Amy

“This was a fantastic party. It was so relaxing and mellow and that is just what we needed! The suite was gorgeous, and the view from the balcony was spectacular. The women hosting were so nice, and …it was just wonderful!” – Jennifer

“The noshes were fabu but the best… the very best were the Sponsors of this amazing event.” – Christine

Thank you to all our guests and to our amazing sponsors that made this event possible!

If you want to see the rest of the pictures be sure to check out the event’s Flickr stream

10 things that make me happy no matter what: Finding joy one firefly at a time

2010-08-31T00:08:00.002-06:00

Happiness is a choice.

How many of you have heard that statement in your life?

How many of you agree with it?

How many of you hear that and want to take whoever authored those words and toss them hog tied in a pile of fire ants with honey over all their sensitive bits?

Yeah.

I hear you on that.

I have often (usually while in a period of life suck) heard these words and just wanted to bitchslap the person who came up with it. Because sometimes if feels like the legitimate loss or sad or suck is not being acknowledge but brushed aside in a “just get over it already” sort of way. If I am not in an open state of mind it can rankle and sometimes makes me almost want to stubbornly hold on to my bad feeling and mood. (I’m lame like that. Trying really hard to work on it, though.)

But….

Thing is, I think at its core, I agree with it.

I think that there are many times that it is simply out of your hands. So many things are beyond a person’s control. Sometimes universe just rains horrible, unfair shite down on people.

No one is special enough to escape it.

There are periods in everyone’s life where depression, sorrow, pain and suffering JUST ARE.

And they are meant to be experienced.

Mourned and dealt with and recognized.

Not glossed over.

It’s not human to be happy or pretend to be happy all the time. But, I am not sure that is what the person really meant when they said that happiness is a choice. (Mainly because I am betting they are not stupid as all holy hell.)

I think that like anything, happiness is an average.

I learned that sometimes when you are in the midst of life suck and it is hard to find anything good, you should, no–you MUST–find happiness in things big and small to survive and get back to a place of well-being.

Which is the point of the opening statement. You have the choice to react to life how you will. You have the choice to MAKE yourself focus on the good. I will full on admit that a whole lot of the time I CHOOSE to say “SUCK IT, WORLD!” and curl in the fetal position with tissues and throw chocolate at myself and drown in the depths.

But more often than not I pull out of it and consciously choose to try to move on past the sad and the ick to the best of my ability. And often my best is not so stellar, but I try. I try to look at the positive and the happy, even if it has to start off seeing the good in very small things.

I’ve done this a lot over the years.

The first time that I really remember being highly aware of it was when I was when I was still a teenager. I was on summer break and I was far away from home to perform in a choir concert and also visit my boyfriend who lived out of state. The day I arrived there I found out one of the best friends I ever had died waiting for a heart/lung transplant.

It was the worst loss I’d ever had at that point. I couldn’t change my trip and it was a horrible, useless feeling to be so far away during such tragedy.

I was so sad.

Then, on the day of his funeral, my boyfriend drove me to a hayfield and…broke up with me. I don’t really know how I didn’t see it coming and from an adult point-of-view, it made sense. Long distance relationships are difficult for grown ups to pull off, let alone two kids with college and lives in front of them.

Still, it was an awful night.

But then, something happened. I sat there in that car, by that hayfield, and trying desperately not to cry, when something caught my eye.

A flash.

Then another.

And another.

I don’t know how I didn’t notice it before, but that hayfield was filled with THOUSANDS of fireflies.

Living in Utah, I’d never seen them before.

They were magical.

And in that moment, while the boy I loved kept talking about how we were jut not meant to be, I focused my eyes and attention on the dancing fairy lights in front of me. And even though my heart was breaking, those fireflies made me feel…better.

Such a small thing, but I latched on to it and was comforted in the knowledge that good things can coexist with bad and difficult things.

I’ve thought about those fireflies a lot over the years and I’ve never forgotten the lesson in it, even if it takes a bit for me to remember in the harder times.

As if you couldn’t tell, I’m in a bit of an “UGH” place.

Some of you know some of it, most of you know none of it and NOBODY but me knows it all.

To complicate matters, it’s that time of year again. Every year I try not to dwell or overly talk about it but every start of the school year I get sad. I think what grade my Matthew, my “Little Bug” would be in had he lived longer than his short but magical burst of life. I envy the parents of other 1st graders and wish he could be amongst them.

It probably would just be a time, but his little life was SO tied to the start of school. I was the PO President at the time and it was a huge part of our lives. And then he died within the month so I have his anniversary to grapple with.

I try not to set myself up to hurt and dwell but this time of year is just hard. Some years are easier than others but it is always difficult. And when other things fall apart on me this time of year, it just makes it harder. It’s been a sucktastic few weeks. But I don’t relish being sad. I am at heart, a good-natured person that loves to smile and laugh. I’ve been down and sad long enough and I don’t need it to keep building with the time of year it is.

It’s time to look for the good.

So, I am starting.

RIGHT NOW.

(My kids are a given TOP OF THE LIST, people.)

TEN THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY NO MATTER WHAT.

1. Diet Coke. Again, I know. I love this a bit too much, but damn—it’s my best friend if you want to know the truth of it. It’ s a problem. I get up in the morning and go and get my first of the day. Consider it like a Starbucks run. Hey, I was Mormon-raised. You would be shocked how many people start their day with caffeinated soda in this state. I fully expect a group of people to jump out at me during one of my gas station runs with a camera crew to learn that I’ve been put on some Intervention-type-show. (For the record? No. Just…NO.) But still, everything about it makes me tickled with glee, so on the list it goes.

2. My job. Both blogging and the ‘real’ gig. I don’t know how I got by before blogging or working at my other job before. I LOVE my work. It is fascinating, fun, challenging and just lights me up with happy.

Even when ick things happen, over all my work makes me light up inside like a Christmas tree, people.

It’s impossible to be down when talking with my boss, Jo (this the only photo I have of us, weirdly) or working at the office. We’ve had so man fun adventures together already.

It’s really helped me to have work to focus on lately and I am unendingly grateful for it. I went down to the office early Saturday with my beloved Praire Mama to spend the day with a everyone to make table cloths and napkin holders for The Creative Connection Event in 2 weeks.

They got me to craft. UNBELIEVABLE.

I had so much fun.

I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

3. BUTTERLUMP. I know, I know…I already mentioned my children but seriously, there is something about babies (especially one as rad and super cute as my little pat of butter) that makes me incredibly happy.

Every. freaking. thing. he. does. makes my heart sing.

4. Speaking of SINGING, yeah. That. Music always makes me feel better. ALWAYS. (Well, unless I’m caught dorking out to a tune on a work break by my kids with their camera phones. Still, it’s pretty accurate. Heh.) And I am starting rehearsals on Sept. 1st for the choir I am in and am looking forward to it. Music heals the soul.

5. MITTENS. Especially when they are made of soft, soft wool and hand knit by a dear, dear friend. :)

6. Speaking of friends…FRIENDS. I love that I can go to any city and have people I know to grab a meal and have some fun with. It’s comforting.

It’s especially if you have friends that come over and make deep fried Snickers bars with you. :)

7. Driving in my car with the radio on (usually to get aforementioned dark, carbonated waters of awesomeness that is number one on this list) I have come to CHERISH my time driving in my car. Which is saying a lot considering the state of my vehicle. Remember when it got hit by one jerk of a hit-and-run driver?

Yeah, that time.

It’s STILL not fixed. There are many reasons for that, but most of them come down to the distance of my house from the nearest VW mechanic and the cost to fix it. Seriously, IT IS INSANE how expensive it is. Thinking about the many thousands of dollars I have put into this car fixing it, I probably would have been cheaper to order a mail order bride from Russia or Thailand and just ride them around town.

Seriously.

But, I dig driving and listening to music. It’s my “alone time”. I drive with the radio on and think, problem solve, sing along to music and probably speed to often. (It’s a weakness when a catchy tune comes on. I’ve got a bit of a lead foot.)

8. Television. I know. So many people hate and loathe it, but I. love. television. I love watching everything from reality TV (OMG! Danielle got fired from Real Housewives New Jersey! What ever will we do without her utterly scary-crazy psychopath presence?) to The History and Military Channel, prime time shows, summer cable series, and Mystery! on PBS. (Especially Mystery! It takes me to my happy place.)

9. CARBS OF GOODNESS:

Like THESE:

And the NUMBER ONE CARB OF GOODNESS OF ALL FREAKING TIME?

Behold…THE THIN MINT GIRL SCOUT COOKIE (And there was much rejoicing in the land. How long is it until Girl Scout cookie season again???)

10. Being spontaneous. Especially if it means crossing an item off your ‘Bucket List”. I’ve always wanted to drive to the airport, hop on a plane and go somewhere with no planning, and no packing. Just purchase what you need when you get there. Well, I didn’t do exactly that, but I had to go to Salt Lake for work suddenly and I asked Jonathan if we could just get away and spend the night at a hotel.

Shockingly, he agreed.

We packed tooth brushes, squared babysitting away for our kids and decided we’d buy everything else we needed down there. (We don’t shop a lot and it was time to get a few new things.) I got my work obligations fulfilled, we shopped, we ate a great dinner and checked into the hotel to have a night on the town.

My husband is one of the few men out there capeable of making 5′8 me feel TINY.

We had a blast.

I went to my first ever dueling piano bar full of funny people and fire fighters.

And when I tweeted I was there, a person I’ve followed forever on Twitter(and who is HILARIOUS) came down to introduce himself. It was fun for Jonathan because he usually doesn’t get to meet people in my world. Plus, I think he was just a little impressed that someone would drag themselves down to a club just to meet his wife.

It was just a great time.

I love being spontaneous. It can be one of the best things about me. (At times. ;P)

So there is my list. And if it fails then hey, I always have this:

Because, really?

It just makes me ridiculously happy.

And that is the whole point here, right?

I have been at this place and given myself this type of pep talk many times in my life. I am sure that I will likely continue to pick myself up and find the happy but then stumble, fall or be shoved back into the bit. I imagine I will have to pick myself up again and again and again through the years.

But to me, it is worth it.

Trying to find joy is worth it.

Big things or small, I’m grateful for what happiness I can get on this earth.

Even if it’s just a little bug that lights up the world for a moment.

Especially then.

This post is part of SOYJOY‘s What brings you joy contest. Learn more here.

How to build, promote and grow your Etsy Shop: A Webinar from Where Women Create by Amy Turn Sharp of "Little Alouette"

2010-08-18T13:13:00.001-06:00

How to build, promote and grow your Etsy business

Join us for a Webinar on August 19

Space is limited.
Reserve your Webinar seat now at:
https://www1.gotomeeting.com/register/475907752

Do you have an Etsy shop that you feel is under performing? Would like to learn how to promote and grow your customer base using social media and other internet tools?

Then this webinar is for you!

Where Women Create and The Creative Connection Event are pleased to have Amy and Joe Sharp, owners of "Little Alouette" and one of Babble's "Top 50 Etsy Moms" for a Webinar about making your Etsy shop grow on THURSDAY AUGUST 19th from 9-10pm EST.

Title:		How to build, promote and grow your Etsy business

Date:		Thursday, August 19, 2010

Time:		9:00 PM - 10:00 PM EDT

After registering you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the Webinar.

System Requirements
PC-based attendees
Required: Windows® 7, Vista, XP, 2003 Server or 2000

Macintosh®-based attendees
Required: Mac OS® X 10.4.11 (Tiger®) or newer

Giveaway: Spending time with your family and helping Ronald McDonald House Charity at the same time? Count me in, dudes.

2010-08-11T09:00:00.006-06:00

This is a sponsored post from BlogHer and McDonald's.

Our little family is so awesome.

Does that mean we are perfect?

NO.

We struggle.

Sometimes we struggle a lot.

But...

Our children bring so much happiness and delight to Jonathan and I.

They have such different and strong personalities-- the extroverted BURST! OF!! THEATRICAL!!! AWESOME!!!! that is my eldest, James, the sweet, loving and caring love that is my Christopher and the adorable, mellow, OMG! I WANT TO MUNCH ON HIS CHEEKS ALL DAY AND SNORGLE HIM INCESSANTLY cuteness that is our little pat of butter, baby Aaron.

We have LOVED getting to know their little spirits better and really, there is no better way to accomplish that than spending time together, talking.

One of our favorite things to do as a family is to sit down for meals and eat together. We don't always pull it off, but when we do, we make the most of it. We play a game we named "Highs and Lows". Everyone names 3 things that were good about the day and 3 things that were not good about the day and then we all discuss and comment on them. The time spent talking to our children is invaluable and it helps us learn about their days, their happiness and if they are stressed or sad.

I have a saying I am fond of..."You are only as happy as your unhappiest child".

And I cannot imagine more stress and unhappiness that comes to a parent and family then when a child is critically and/or chronically ill.

And I want to do what I can to help parents and children who find themselves in that situation.

I have blogged about my deep admiration for Ronald McDonald House Charities before, and today I am thrilled to talk about a new campaign that McDonald's is offering to to raise funds and awareness for the charity.

As part of the company’s ongoing commitment to bring families together, McDonald’s launched a new national fundraiser in support of Ronald McDonald House Charities. Not only will McDonald’s donate proceeds from each Happy Meal® and Mighty Kids Meal®, but their efforts also includes in-restaurant RMHC® Donation Boxes (Last year, Ronald McDonald House Charities® (RMHC®)donation boxes at McDonald’s restaurants in the U.S. raised nearly $20 million for local RMHC® Chapters– McDonald’s “Charity of Choice” for more than 35 years.

All these small efforts add up to big results to help families in times of crises and need.

Visit McDonald's Facebook page to pledge time now, or click on the online application below:

I hope you will join me and McDonald's and pledge family time minutes during their "Family Time. Happy Time" campaign to benefit RMHC.

What may take moments of time for you may end up making the world of difference for someone else and bring your own family closer together.

And you just can't put a price tag on that, people.

Once again, I am hosting a giveaway sponsored by McDonald's (ARV $100)

Entering is simple (and will feel SO good as it is benefits so many)

Please pledge time with your family and leave a comment below to let us know what you’re doing to help families in need at RMHC. And, if you have a favorite family memory tied to McDonald’s, I’d love to hear about it!

Remember to visit the roundup page for 9 more chances to win.
This giveaway is open until 8/24.

Read the official rules for this giveaway here.

CONGRATS TO CARRIE! This giveaway is now closed. :)

McDonald's Happy Time, Family Time Giveaway

2010-07-27T10:00:00.003-06:00

This is a sponsored post from BlogHer and McDonald's.

My very favorite breakfast food on this EARTH is a McDonald’s Egg McMuffin with cheese and regular bacon.

I love it.

No, I luuuuurrrrrvvvvvveeeee it.

It is a little bit of heaven, people. I compare all other breakfast foods to it and almost without exception, I find those other breakfast foods lacking.

In fact, my one and only gripe about the Egg McMuffin is that I cannot get one past 10:30:59 in the morning!

Those of you who are night owls and love McDonald’s breakfast like I do will understand this frustration. They are killer strict about it. It’s kind of like Seinfeld’s “NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!!!” Soup-Nazi, only with a “Mc-something-breakfast-food” instead. Frankly, you have a better chance getting the ghost of Ed McMahon to show up on your doorstep with a check from Publisher Clearing house than getting an Egg McMuffin at 8 pm for dinner.

And thanks to BlogHer and McDonald's, I got to travel to McDonald's Headquarters with my family to ask Jan Fields, President of McDonald's USA, just why that is, exactly.
(BECAUSE SURELY IT IS JUST TO THWART ME, RIGHT?!!!)

In reality, the reasoning behind it is much less about making me weep and wail in the late mornings in the drive-thru of the golden arches as it has to do with the fact that McDonald's

has precise, exacting standards for everything from the way they operate their business to the way they produce their food.

Simply put, they don’t serve breakfast all day because they have not figured out a way to have the process and product be timely, cost effective and stand up to McDonald’s Gold Standard of service and production.

(Although making it about thwarting me would make a WAY more interesting blog post, don’t you think?)

I love McDonald's.

I always have, I always will.

When I was growing up, McDonald's was usually the place that we went to when we got to eat out as a family and I am a huge fan of their food and brand. So, it was a no-brainer when BlogHer contacted me and asked if I would be interested in traveling to McDonald's Head Quarters in Oak Brook, Illinois with my family to attend their “Family Time Getaway” with 9 other wonderful bloggers and their families to learn more about the company and the way they ran things.

I was a little bit worried about how much fun we would have as a family but to be perfectly honest, we had such a wonderful, fabulous and interesting time.

I LOVED it there.

And I loved learning more about what went into making McDonald’s what it is today.
It would be hard for me to imagine someone who is a bigger fan of the Egg McMuffin (and the “omgoodness-I-want-to-build-a-house-out-of-these-and-live-in-it-they-are-so-freaking-good” French fries, for that matter) but I am pretty sure those fans are working at McDonald's.

One of the most endearing things that I saw during my visit was the sheer LOVE the employees have for their brand and company. 50 percent of corporate employees started working in McDonald’s restaurants, including CEO Jim Skinner and President Jan Fields. They take care of and support their “McFamily” and people and also give back to the community. Hamburger University provides university credits for classes in business, they spend $5 billion per year with diversity/minority suppliers, they have a company volunteer program and make sure that employees and owners are able to support things like local little league teams, local charities and grassroots projects.

They believe strongly in their system from suppliers to employees to owners and believe in operating their business ethically and honestly and to keep improving continuously.

And last but certainly not least, the customer is at the core of everything McDonald’s does. After all, they are the reason for their existence and everything that I saw there made them the bottom line of everything.

We had so many wonderful activities and information that we learned it would be impossible to share them all so I will touch on some of my favorites and things that I know many people are curious about and I everyone to discuss (Respectfully, of course.) and ask questions in the comments.

Ronald McDonald's House Charity/Family Rooms/Mobile Care Units: I am such a fan of what this charity does. Visiting a local RMH by a children’s hospital was by far the best part of the trip for me. It was informative, eye-opening and very emotional. (ie-Loralee sobbed like a baby for much of the experience.)

Ronald McDonald House Charity has been McDonald’s charity of preference for over 35 years. Their in-restaurant donation boxes collect more than $18 million in the US last year and there are three main branches of the charity.

Ronald McDonald House is a place where families of a sick, hospitalized child that meet the criteria can stay while caring for their little one. The statistics on the sheer number of people they help is humbling:

o Nearly 300 Ronald McDonald Houses in 30 countries and regions worldwide
o Serves more than 7,200 families each day around the world
o More than 30,000 staff and volunteers globally save RMHC millions of dollars annually
o Families can volunteer together by serving dinner at a House or helping with yard work in the summer

I have never had to use Ronald McDonald house, but even if I could afford to stay in a hotel if my child was hospitalized I wouldn’t if the option of RMH was available to me. Money cannot buy the sense of support, love and caring that happen within those walls.

As a mother of a little one that passed away, I can absolutely attest that the environment that you are in when in a state of mass crises is hugely important to how well you and your family cope. Just by going about the day, the outside world can seem harsh and cruel to someone in the midst of grief and stress over their child. Without a DOUBT RMH softens that stress and pain for many.

I wish I had had a Ronald McDonald House to be in after Matthew died. Which is the biggest compliment I can give the people who have worked so hard to make it a place of comfort and healing.

While I have been familiar with Ronald McDonald Houses for a long time, I was unaware of the Ronald McDonald Family Rooms and Mobile Care Units. The family rooms are located in hospitals so that families can rest and regroup without leaving the hospital. There are 147 Family Rooms in 16 countries worldwide that welcome over 3,000 families per day.

I loved learning about and touring the Mobile Care Unit program. They are basically clinics on wheels travel around to schools and areas of need to administer basic health care/vaccinations to children who may otherwise not be able to visit a doctor. It saves US families more than $10 million in health care costs by serving an average of 150,000 children each year.

The thing I am most, most MOST excited about is that as of the end of June, McDonald’s is donating a portion of each Happy Meal to RMHC.

Commitment to children’s well-being: Marketing to children/children’s nutrition/Ronald McDonald/Happy Meals with toys and that darn caramel dipping sauce: During our time at McDonald’s campus there was much discussion regarding what McDonald’s is doing to be nutritionally responsible, with a great deal of that discussion focusing on what is being marketed to and consumed by children. They know that things like sugar and sodium consumption by our kids are things that we parents think about…and they think about them as well.

On hand to answer our questions was Dr. Cynthia Goody, Director of Nutrition for McDonald’s USA.

A lot of the information we were given surprised me. For example, Ronald McDonald never sells anything but is simply an ambassador for the brand and helps to promote things like literacy, friendship, and anti-bullying.

Many (if not all) of us were surprised at the way Happy Meals are advertised, as well. If you have ever had a Happy Meal then you know that yes, they market toys to kids with food. It’s part of the fun of it. (Also part of the fun was the actual Happy Meal BOX. It hasn’t been the same since they changed to bags. Happily we were told that they are bringing the box back! Woot!)

However, they are also very careful with their marketing to children. When you see a Happy Meal advertised to kids there is almost always one kind of food show: the Happy Meal choice with white-meat chicken nuggets, apple dippers and a low-fat milk chug. (I was happy to find out that since they re-packaged their milk into plastic chug bottles, milk sales have tripled.)

And about those apple dippers? I know the question many are thinking; why must they have the caramel sauce? Couldn’t they just leave the fruit alone, already?

Have you seen the size ratio of that apple bag to that dipping sauce?

Big ole bag of apples, tiny little packet of caramel.

As a matter of fact, that little low-fat carton of caramel dipping sauce that could possibly be the make or break for finicky kids consuming the fruit has 35 calories in it.

Let me repeat that:

IT HAS 35 CALORIES IN IT.

McDonald's wants to up the chance that kids will actually eat a huge serving of fruit by making it fun to eat. You don’t have to order the dip. It’s not packaged together and you as a parent have the choice to have it included or not in meals for your children.

I decline all or portions of things advertised to my kids that they ask for all the time if I feel that it isn’t what I want them to have.

It’s parenting, you know?

Nutritional information/scale and responsibility/books and movies:
In my opinion, McDonald's has done a lot to meet the nutritional concerns of their customers and the public in general. They were the first company to provide and make their nutritional information available to the public 30 years ago.

They have eliminated the 44 oz. soda cup at the McDonald’s I frequent. (I’m confessing to being torn on this. As a parent looking out for her kids this makes me happy. As a RABID Diet Coke fan (addict) this makes me utterly bitchy and pouty.

(BOO!)

(But YAY!!)

(BUT BOOO!!!)

(Heh).

I also love that McDonald’s strives to give the public things that it wants. That said, there are MANY things that they tested that the public said they wanted again and again. Two examples are carrot bags for kids in Happy Meals and a meatless hamburger option. But here is the interesting thing: they did market test after market test and when it came down to it, people were simply not putting their money where their mouths were.

They said one thing and did another.

If we’re not willing as consumers to buy a product, I am not willing to get huffy at McDonald's for not having it on their menu, you know? ESPECIALLY when you consider the time and money that goes into testing these products and their marketability. We were walked through the entire process and let me tell you, it is long, detailed and expensive.

As for movies and books like Fast Food Nation and Super-Sized Me.

I’ve read and seen them and I pretty much came to the same conclusion that many people came to: If you make poor health choices and don’t make good decisions or use care about daily caloric intake and exercise in your lifestyle then, yes, you are going to suffer ill-effects.

And I think that could happen with anyone at any restaurant or grocery store or home in America, frankly. McDonald's is so big it is a pretty easy and visible target, you know?

Are there fattening things on the menu?

Yes, there are.

But this way you can be responsible for the health of yourself and your family and make informed decisions.

You can eat well and you can eat healthfully at McDonald's at any time of the day.

IF YOU CHOOSE TO.

There is so much more I could write about but I suppose this post has to end eventually, right?

As a wrap up, I’d like to re-iterate how much fun I had with my kids and husband and everyone we met on this trip. For one, it was so nice to be able to travel and participate AS A FAMILY. The kids had a blast doing activities, rowing on the lake on the campus, and making their own smoothies with McDonald’s chef, “Chef Dan”. (Christopher felt his life was fulfilled because he got to make an Oreo McFlurry.

Butterlump even got into the action by taking his first step in the corporate office!

Frankly, when I got the itinerary for my trip I was a little worried because really, just how much fun can one really have discussing McDonald's for 3 days straight?

I shouldn’t have worried.

I had a GREAT time.

My family had a GREAT time.

From my years as a customer and my time at McDonald’s campus, I am so impressed with this company and the people that work so hard to make it run. I learned a lot during my time there and walked away an even bigger fan than when I arrived.

I am not only proud that I participated in this experience but I'm proud to be a McDonald's fan and customer.

I’m lovin’ it.

Enter to win a "Family Time, Happy Time McDonald's Fun Pack (ARV $100)

To enter the giveaway just leave a comment and let me hear what you think about McDonald's and/or if you have any questions about my trip! 1 entry (comment) per person!

Deadline for entry: August 10th, 2010

Read the official rules for this giveaway here.

And remember! There are 9 other chances to win!

Thank you to everyone who entered. This giveaway is now closed. Congrats to Craig, of BBRC!

Win one of 3 fully paid trips to attend The Creative Connection Conference. (Which is pretty much the most amazing craft/artist conference EVER!)

2010-07-18T00:29:00.007-06:00

Normally I use a sideblog for things like this but mine is not installed yet. BUT...this giveaway is way, way, WAY too cool and generous not to pass on. Lark Craft is giving away 3 paid trips (airfare, hotel, conference pass) to attend The Creative Connection in Minneapolis, MN Sept 15-18th.

All YOU have to do is read the official rules and then send an email to larkcraftsTCC@sterlingpublishing.com, with the following: (Commenting here or anywhere is NOT an entry. I have nothing to do with the giveaway so email your entry, people!)

1.Your name, age, e-mail address, and mailing address

2. An essay of 250 words or less answering the following question: How will attending the Creative Connection Event impact your creativity and/or creative business?

If you have an artistic bone in your body and/or love hearing from speakers like The Pioneer Woman, Amy Butler and Mary Jane Butters, YOU MUST, MUST ENTER!

*****ALL ENTRIES MUST BE RECEIVED BY 5PM (EST), FRIDAY JULY 23rd********

(Feel free to pass this along and share the love, peeps!)

Despicable Me cast interviews: Julie Andrews and Steve Carell--The Hills are alive with the sound of music! (That's what she said)

2010-07-08T23:44:00.009-06:00

Despicable Me opens tonight!

I hope that you take your kids and have a blast, because it is truly such a cute film! (To read my review, click here. For the first part of cast interviews, click here.)

I had such a good time during the entire junket. It was not hard to talk to the vocal talent, they were all so easy going and helpful and eager to answer any question that was asked of them. The rest of us had some butterflies in our stomachs at the thought of meeting some of our favorite celebrities.

My good friend Y, of Joy Unexpected, was DYING to meet Steve Carell. (Is Y not cute? I love her.)

I was so, so, so, so, SO excited to meet Julie Andrews. (Seriously? I have WORSHIPED her my whole freaking life.)

And then finally...the moment was there and Steve Carell walked into the room.

If there were two words to describe Steve Carell?

NICE GUY.

He is not as 'laugh out loud' funny as I thought he was going to be, but he was soooo....NICE. It practically oozed out of every single pore. You just know you are talking to one of the more decent humans that walk the earth.

They said that they wanted someone to voice Gru that could have good and kindness shine through in their voice and did they pick a WINNER with Steve Carell. He

It was great but why didn't you play a minion. Man...I was THAT CLOSE to being cool if only I'd been a minion!"

I asked him how being a father had influenced him in his role as Gru and he said that that was what interested him about the script in the first place.

"Becoming a parent is the point of the story. When you become a parent someone has their life structured the way they want it to be or the way they THINK they want it to be. Then you introduce kids and EVERYTHING changes. It changes everything about how you feel about yourself and your work and life. It's so overwhelming and to watch a super villain go through that I thought was very funny. And I got all welled up at the end because that character is going through what a parent goes through. Finding the power of that connection with your kids is overwhelming and to me, there is nothing else like it."

(AWWWEEEE!!!!)

And then...JULIE ANDREWS GLIDED INTO THE ROOM.

She is just a lovely, elegant and compassionate lady and you can tell she is one fantastic mother. I utterly loved that about her. She spoke a lot about her 5 children and how she read and read to them and that if they were ok then she was ok but if they were not ok in "any way shape or form" she was not ok, either.

So many of us relate to that. You're only as happy as your unhappiest child.

Her being such a loving, compassionate and good mother made her voicing the role of Gru's monstrous mother seem like an even more unusual choice

Someone asked her if it was hard to think about playing a diabolical mother?

"At first it was. I thought, 'Oh, God I don't want to disappoint any sweet, young children that come to see the film thinking they were going to be seeing Mary Poppins.' I finally came to the conclusion that this lady has no idea that she's as appalling as she is. She is so totally self-involved that she has no idea that she is a terrible mother. And then it was ok and it became great fun."

There was a good deal of warm laughter during the interview and we laughed especially hard when she described Skyping with her daughter and fluffing her hair and applying perfume because it "makes one feel more presentable, doesn't it?"

(I SO LOVE HER.)

My favorite part of her interview was when I told her I had this day dream that she waved to us all like in The Princess Diaries only substituting 'blogger people' for 'trolley people' and she said, "GOODBYE, BLOGGER PEOPLE"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I could have died happy right then.

Sigh....

She is exactly, EXACTLY how you think she is going to be.

Practically perfect in every way.

Despicable Me cast interviews: Julie Andrews and Steve Carell--The Hills are alive with the sound of music! (That's what she said)

2010-07-08T23:44:00.007-06:00

Despicable Me opens tonight!

I hope that you take your kids and have a blast, because it is truly such a cute film! (To read my review, click here. For the first part of cast interviews, click here.)

My good friend Y, of Joy Unexpected, was DYING to meet Steve Carell. (Is she not cute?)

I was so, so, so, so, SO excited to meet Julie Andrews. (Seriously? I have WORSHIPED her my whole freaking life.)

And then finally...the moment was there and Steve Carell walked into the room.

If there were two words to describe Steve Carell?

NICE GUY.

They said that they wanted someone to voice Gru that could have good and kindness shine through in their voice and did they pick a WINNER with Steve Carell. He

It was great but why didn't you play a minion. Man...I was THAT CLOSE to being cool if only I'd been a minion!"

I asked him how being a father had influenced him in his role as Gru and he said that that was what interested him about the script in the first place.

(AWWWEEEE!!!!)

And then...JULIE ANDREWS GLIDED INTO THE ROOM.

So many of us relate to that. You're only as happy as your unhappiest child.

Her being such a loving, compassionate and good mother made her voicing the role of Gru's monstrous mother seem like an even more unusual choice

Someone asked her if it was hard to think about playing a diabolical mother?

(I SO LOVE HER.)

I could have died happy right then.

Sigh....

She is exactly, EXACTLY how you think she is going to be.

Practically perfect in every way.

Despicable Me: Cast Interviews--Miranda Cosgrove and Jason Segel (I really didn't ever see these two making a film together and yet it totally works.)

2010-07-06T23:48:00.008-06:00

A junket (according to Wikipedia) is "where entertainment journalists are invited to see a movie and interview the stars of the movie before the movie's release".

And because Universal Studios invited me to be a guest (ie: pretty much paid for freaking everything) at their junket and sit in on the mommy blogging round table, that is pretty much exactly what I did.

I sat with the vocal talent for "Despicable Me" (Opening July 9th) with 9 other bloggers at the Four Seasons Beverly Hills for approximately 20 minutes with each actor and we laughed and talked and questioned and grinned our heads off.

It was grand.

Our first two interviews were with Miranda Cosgrove and Jason Segel.

Miranda Cosgrove (of I-Carly fame), was darling from the little gray silk bow in her hair to her sweet personality and nature. She spoke to us about how she started her career and things that both challenged and appealed to her about doing the voice in an animated film.

"The directors were great and really helpful they told me to just go crazy and have fun and bring as much life to the characters as you can."

Books and reading seemed to be a high priority for us mothers and since there is a VERY sweet scene involving a bedtime story, we wanted to know what books she liked. Turns out that she is well read; she loved Beatrix Potter as a child and some of her current favorites include Catcher in the Rye, Flowers for Algernon and her all-time favorite, To Kill a Mockingbird.

Being an only child has been a bit boring for Miranda, but she's blessed with a best friend and neighbor that is her age and is like a sister to her. She often sleeps over and Miranda may have copped to doing a drive-bys of a boys house. (We totally warned her not to get caught because I don't care how many generations pass, that moment is just EMBARRASSING if it happens, y'all!)

She wants to go to college, major in film and do a lot more behind-the-scenes work.

This is one grounded young adult, people.

You could tell her mother (who was there with her) had a LOT to do with it.

After all the stuff you read about young Hollywood, it was utterly refreshing to see.

P.S. SHE IS ALSO AS BIG AROUND AS MY FREAKING PINKY FINGER AND GLOWS LIKE A FRESH, DEWY, ANGEL. (BUT THAT DID NOT MAKE ME FEEL OLD, LARGE AND WRINKLED AT ALL, PEOPLE.)

I didn't know much about Jason Segel other his part in How I Met Your Mother and that he spent a good deal of time looking naked in the commercials for his film, Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

THIS GUY IS AWESOME.

First of all, he wears a suit and tie every day when he writes at home. He takes it very seriously and wants to be as productive as possible so it's a rule of his to put on the suit and tie.

(I love that)

(I should probably do that when I write at home)

(And I totally will when someone pays me what they pay him)

(Although, I am not sure a suit and tie is the best look for me)

(Heh)

He pretty much won all of us over when he said, "I was an odd kid. I wore a Superman cape under my clothes to school every day until I was 12. You think I'm kidding, don't you?"

He pretty much won ME over when I asked him a question about how he found playing a pipsqueak villain freeing because he is 6'4 and he has always had a deep interest in villains. It totally intrigued the actress in me, so I was going to ask him a followup question.

"I'm curious about that statement because I have an extensive background in theater..."

"YES, I am single and available! Oh, I'm sorry...I may have anticipated that question, I just thought that's where you and I should be going with this."

There was much chortling and guffawing going on at that table to say the least.

I found it really refreshing that someone with is rather 'grown up' resume would opt to voice a (primarily) kids movie. It utterly showed how versatile and talented he is.

Plus, he made me utterly laugh, which is pretty much my favorite thing in the world to do. :)

I probably could have talked to them both for much, much longer but I would be lying if I said I wasn't also dying to do the last two interviews and finally meet Steve Carell and Julie Andrews.

Because I was more excited for Queen Maria Poppins Andrews of Genovea to glide into the room than I can adequately express in words. :)

Tune in next time for my final post and wrap up: The hills are alive with the sound of music... (That's what she said)--My interviews with Steve Carell and Julie Andrews

(You can read Pt. 1 of this series HERE)

Despicable Me: The film

2010-07-05T01:14:00.008-06:00

During a press junket for Despicable Me, I got to sit down with 9 other talented bloggers at a blogging round table at The Beverly Hills Four Seasons Hotel and interview lead vocal talent that included Miranda Cosgrove, Jason Segel, Steve Carell, and Julie Andrews.

Before the junket, I took my boys to see a special screening of this wickedly fun-filled movie by Universal Studios that opens July 9th.

At the heart of the plot is Gru, a curmudgeonly megalomaniac that is willing to go to great lengths to save his quickly-declining status as a super-villain. With a physical look that would make Edward Gorey feel at home, Gru is a lovable character that grows quickly on the audience, due in no small part to his charmingly weird, Russian-like accent voiced by the immensely likable Steve Carell.

When new rival villain Vector (who will remind you a bit of a young, empire-building Bill Gates that is armed with cutting-edge tech-toys and weapons with an odd aquatic-life theme like 'The Squid Gun') sweeps in and steals the Great Pyramid along with threatening his standing as premier super-villain and his funding for other dastardly plots, Gru decides that he needs to commit the most villainous plan the world has ever seen: Build a rocket, get a Shrink Ray Gun and use it to shrink and then steal the moon.

But like all good tales, his dastardly plan hits many bumps in the road and in order to realize his plans, he must carry out his plans with his trusty army of yellow "minions" (adorable, google-eyed marshmallow-esque creatures that are voiced, in part, by Jemain Clement of Flight of the Conchords fame along with the directors of the movie) and he also adopts three lovable orphans that are selling cookies for their orphanage. Responsible Margo (Miranda Cosgrove), tough little Edith (Dana Gaier) and utterly ADORABLE Agnes (Elsie Fisher) will melt your heart with their sad existence at Miss Hattie's Home for Girls (Kristen Wiig does a fabulous job voicing the surface-sweet Miss Hattie, who is the true villain of the show).

With the exception of Miss Hattie, all the "villains" in this movie are shown to have many layers and facets underneath their evil exteriors. Gru is humanized by scenes from his childhood and we realize his entire motivation is life is to impress his difficult-to-please mother (played brilliantly and against type by the legendary Julie Andrews). We get to see a bit of understanding in Gru's rival in stealing the moon, Vector (Jason Segel), and even Gru's 'despicable' mother gets a touch of humanity at the end.

I sat down with producer Chris Meledandri, (former Fox Animation president and executive producer of the Ice Age and Horton Hears a Hoo ) and he shared one of his favorite moments from the film, when Gru reads a bed time story (Sleepy Kittens, which is an actual book (YAY!) and is available at Amazon.com) to his new daughters and he finally goes from "being very stand-offish until can't resist the role of father anymore. And as a father who has now read to 2 boys and knowing there are so many nights where read and you go, 'Oh, my god, this book' and you see him losing his battle to stay distant and watching that happen during the course of that scene, I find it touching every single time I watch the movie."

(I do, too.)

Even though Despicable Me is loaded with hints of other children's movies like Shrek, Ratatouille, and Monsters Inc., this movie still feels original, fresh and is just a ton of fun and delight for kids and adults alike. While it may not have the same take-away as some films, it is a throughly delightful, funny and touching way to spend your time.

Tune in tomorrow when I'll post about sitting down with the lead vocal talent from Despicable Me and find out just which one of them playfully hit on me during the interview. (HINT: It was not Julie Andrews. Heh.)

*Comments off*

Review: Fifth South Anniversary Inn, Salt Lake City

2010-06-28T19:14:00.007-06:00

I was asked to stay as a complimentary guest at the 5th South Anniversary Inn in Salt Lake to see what I thought about their newly renovated suites. Since I am already a fan of the Anniversary Inn brand and a night away with Jonathan is rare, I happily accepted.

Their Fifth South location is lovely. It's right by the University of Utah and a quick drive from Trolley Square. It was originally the manufacturing facility for the Old Salt Lake City Brewery Company and the history buff in me was delighted to find out that it was once a Prohibition-era speak-easy that was also the headquarters for the notorious James Gang.

There are 36 luxury themed suites at this location. You can choose heavily themed, fun-filled rooms like the Swiss Family Robinson house that has the bed in a tree house to the lighter themed suites like we chose to stay in:The Palace Suite.

It was beautiful.

The room was large, yet cozy. I specifically selected this suite to try the king sized Intelli-Gel® bed by MyComfort.

While my husband felt the bed was a bit soft for his preference (he thinks a cement slab has too much give) the mattress was PERFECT for me; soft, yet supportive. There was a plentiful selection of pillows and the linens were high quality. It was a delight to crawl up under the sheets after a long day of shopping, dining and fun.

The TV was big and the surround sound stereo was a fabulous thing to use while soaking and showering in a huge tub complete with a ceiling mounted shower head (which was a really fun and nice touch).

I'm also a total sucker for fireplaces and this one provided some really nice ambiance for the two of us. (Complimentary cheesecake, chocolate and sparkling cider didn't hurt that, either!)

The staff was WONDERFUL, so gracious and happy to provide service. There was a selection of after-hours snacks that came in handy after a long night of playing around in the city. The cheese and fruit platter that we ordered hit the spot perfectly at 1am!

Breakfast was hot, on time and delicious. Really, the only drawbacks of this location are that it can be a bit tricky to find and that there are lots (and lots) of stairs that you have to haul your luggage up.

Other than that?

It is a perfect location for a honeymoon, special occasion or just a night to be alone with your honey for a romantic get-away.

Two thumbs up for certain.

(Comments closed)

Gain Giveaway: "Together they make perfect scents". Win a $100 Visa Gift Card and bottle of Gain laundry detergent and fabric softener

2010-03-07T00:06:00.007-07:00

This is a compensated review by BlogHer and Gain.

This is one of my favorite people. Her name is Michelle.

(I'm protective of her privacy and honestly...this is my favorite photo of us anyway)

My first memory of my friend, Chelle, is when we were at a board meeting for our school's Parent Organization. I was President and was about to call the meeting to order when I got caught up in her conversation with a woman to my left. She was relating a story about taking her cranky children to a filthy, crowded McDonald's in California and slamming her hands down on the table and yelling, "SERENITY NOW!"

And really, who wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that?

I marked on her multiple times after that and one day, not long after the passing of my infant son 6 years ago, she showed up on my porch and asked if she could take me to lunch. And through ups, downs, and many trials and fabulous times, we have been friends ever since.

Michelle is my polar opposite in many ways.

The yin to my yang.

The peanut butter to my jelly.

Where I see the devil in them, she finds heaven in the details.

She is structured, orderly, driven and responsible.

I am laid-back, chaotic, spontaneous, and vividly imaginative.

She thinks she can be boring, I think I can be crazy. (Neither of us agree with the other.)

We both DEEPLY admire and appreciate the things in the other that we lack ourselves.

It makes us work as an amazing, awesome team.

We have pulled of magical things together because we fill in the gaps where the other is either lacking or struggling. We are particularly stellar at pulling off any kind of party. She does things like makes sure we have details like good flow and set up and I am wicked awesome at artfully arranging fruit platters.

Sure, we have our issues, what two people don't? Our friendship has had peaks and valleys, ups and downs, hots and colds. But she knows my secrets and I know hers.

I love her just as she is.

She's grand.

I'm awfully glad she's around.

**

I'm a HUGE fan of Gain. The smell is addictive. It makes me happy and cheers something in my soul up.

As this photo taken in 2007 clearly illustrates.

(It was just that kind of day, people.)

I'm thrilled that Gain is sponsoring today's giveaway.

One lucky winner will receive a $100 Visa gift card and a bottle of Gain laundry detergent and fabric softener. You also have a chance to win a $300 Visa gift card as the grand prize.

Here are the rules:

Comment here to enter to win.

One entry per person. You may also have 9 other chances to win by commenting on the blogs of the other participants! Simply visit HERE to find the links to each giveaway!

This giveaway closes to entries on JUNE 3rd, 2010 at 11:59 PM.

Winner selected by random number generator and contacted by email.

GOOD LUCK!

Lisa Leonard Jewelry Giveaway

2010-02-16T20:31:00.014-07:00

Meet Lisa Leonard: Mother, artist and creator of amazing jewelry.

She's BEAUTIFUL, no?

I follow her on Twitter (@lisaleonard) and YOU SHOULD, TOO! (More on that later.) Lisa is the bee's knees and her jewelry is amazing, people. If you went to Blissdom, you may already have one of her pieces from your swag bag. Lisa contacted me about doing a review and giveaway for my readers and I bounced off the walls with excitement.

She generously offered to send me any piece of hers and I selected "From up here" made with hand-stamped sterling silver, 2 milky green stones and a wee pearl.

People...it is SO PRETTY!

I love it so much I wear it every.single.day. It goes with everything and I get comments on it every time I go out.

I want to be buried with it.

For reals.

ALL of her pieces are just as pretty and there are several I have my eye on that I am saving my pennies for.

Luckily, one of you doesn't have to save any pennies, you get a chance to WIN ONE.

RIGHT HERE!

THE RULES:

Go to Lisa's website and browse around.

Leave a comment about which item would would like if you were selected as winner.

Follow Lisa on Twitter @lisaleonard and get an additional entry. (I love her tweets. She is a personal and professional Twitter user so it is a lovely and personal but also professional/informative Twitter stream). If you follow her, make sure you come back and tell me to get the additional entry.

If you already follow her, please tweet about the giveaway to receive an additional entry. :)

MAKE SURE YOU COME BACK AND COMMENT THAT YOU FOLLOWED HER OR COMMENT THAT YOU TWEETED W/THE TWEET LINK. IT'S YOUR ADDITIONAL ENTRY.

(*My bad for not considering those that follow her already. If you entered before this addition, don't worry about it. I know who you are, though you are more than welcome to spread the word about Lisa and this giveaway if you wish!XO)

Contest closes WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 24th at midnight.

I will contact the winner by email.

The Friendship Stone: Valentine's Day Sale

2010-02-02T14:55:00.008-07:00

The Friendship Stone is a gift that is the perfect Valentine's Day gift for the person you care about that already "has everything". You can get the stone in free form or placed in jewelery. It can be a gift for a male or a female. With its strong sentimental meaning, it truly is a great gift to give to someone you care about on Feb. 14th

I received one of these lovely stones and sent one to a friend half a world away just to let them know they are loved and not forgotten.

They loved it.

Taken from the heart of the African earth, The Friendship Stones are semiprecious gemstones that are unique as the person you are giving them to. It's a small, lovely reminder of you that they can carry or wear everywhere.

Plus, 10% of profits on The Friendship Stone gift range are donated back to help the villagers in Western South Africa from where the stones originate.

I just wanted to let you all know there is a special special Valentines's Day Special of 14% off on the complete line of Friendship Stone Gifts and Jewelry.

The coupon code for this special is "Valentine" .

You can find the perfect gift for him or her. Just click here and start browsing!

(Comments to the entry are closed)

Caden Lane Bedding giveaway by btrendie!

2010-01-20T16:46:00.017-07:00

When I was approached by btrendie to do this AWESOME giveaway I JUMPED at the chance. I love btrendi. You can save up to 70% on the hottest, trendiest, cutest baby, kid and mom items out there. I have been a registered user for quite awhile. In full disclosure, this is a compensated giveaway, but I want to stress that I was a btrendie customer long before they approached me for a giveaway and I am THRILLED with the product they are placing with me to give to one lucky winner.

On the giveaway list today are Caden Lane Bedding Sets. They retail for$450(I said this was an awesome giveaway) and they are c-c-c-ute.

See?

You will have your choice between the Morgan (for a girl) and Noah (for a boy).

They are 4-piece bedding sets that include bumpers, sheet, skirt, and blanket:

-Bumpers are slip-covered for easy cleaning
-All bumpers are 2" thick and stand at least 11" tall
-Bumpers are reversible
-Separate bumpers -- ideal for conversion cribs
-Extra long grosgrain ribbon ties keep bumpers secure while giving the bedding a clean finished look
-100% cotton crib sheet -- fits standard size mattress (28”x52” / 71cmx132cm)
-32" cotton square blanket
-16" long crib skirt

Here is the drill for entry.

You need to CLICK HERE and fill out an entry form. This will register you both for the giveaway and to use btrendie's site. (I had to finagle an invite from a friend!)

The giveaway closes on Feb. 1st.

The winner will be notified by btrendie.

Easy peasy.

GOOD LUCK! I ENVY THE WINNER!!

(Comments to this entry are closed. Your entry to the give away can be entered through the link above)

Review of Aquaphor's Baby Line AND a killer giveaway!

2009-11-09T22:38:00.022-07:00

*This giveaway is now closed.

This is a compensated review by BlogHer and Aquaphor.

Reviewing the baby line of Aquaphor products came at the PERFECT time for me and my family.

Aquaphor is made by the same company that produces the wonder product Eucerin (which I love) but have never tried Aquaphor before.

I really needed a solution for my baby that I was not finding.

My 5-month-old, Aaron got his first tooth at 3 months and his second by 4 months, so it has been a DROOL FACTORY over here. Aaron also is what is known as a "happy barfer". He doesn't have reflux but he spits up huge amounts multiple times a day (and charmingly laughs all the while).

All the constant moisture caused an AWFUL neck and shoulder rash for him. It looked HORRIBLE. We tried Vaseline and Neosporin, powder and rash creams and nothing really helped.

Until we tried Aquaphor.I didn't hold out much hope when I got the product in the mail...nothing else had worked. But this product did the trick for my son. I put it on diligently every time I changed Aaron and voila! his neck rash was gone in a few days.

The texture for Aquaphor is similar to Vaseline but it feels less greasy and lasts longer then Vaseline did for me. Some of the things I put on did not last long enough to be effective at protecting his skin OR it was so thick I had to wipe Aaron's skin rather hard to get it off. Neither was a problem with Aquaphor.

They make a baby line wash that is also lovely, foams well, doesn't agitate skin or eyes and has a nice powder/citrus smell to it without being overpowering and it leaves a yummy baby smell on them for a long time to further enhance baby forehead and neck kissies.I found the travel sizes very helpful because who wants to tote around the huge tub that it comes in? Space in my diaper bag is at a premium due to the amount of clothing, bibs and burp clothes we have to carry due to aforementioned drooling and spit up.

I use the smaller tubes for his neck and keep the large tub in his diaper changing station to prevent and help relieve his diaper rashes.

It lasts a long time but wipes off very easily and over all I have been extremely impressed with it. I DO wish the tubes for travel were bigger but that is me being nit picky. I will use no other product from now on it's worked so well for my baby and his rash issues. I was getting a bit desperate over in this neck of the woods am and relieved to have a solution.

Though will alternate the body washes with some other brands (like I already do now), I honestly loved every single one of the products they sent me to review. I will buy them again.

Now on to the even better stuff!

The very best part of all of this review is that you have a chance to win an amazing gift basket chock full of Aquaphor products (Valued at $118.38) and a $100 Visa gift card by telling us what some of your favorite uses for Aquaphor are!

2 - Aquaphor 14oz Baby Jar

2 - Aquaphor 3 oz tube

2 - Aquaphor 8 oz Gentle Wash and Shampoo

2 - Baby to go Aquaphor .35 oz tubes

2 - Eucerin Hand Crème

1 - Eucerin Original Lotion 8 oz bottle

1 - Eucerin Original Crème 16 oz jar

1 - Eucerin Calming Crème 14oz Tube

1 - Rubber Ducky

You have EIGHT chances to win, too! Check out the other BlogHer reviewers' posts and you've got 8 chances to win a $100 Visa gift card, plus an Aquaphor gift basket.

You can also join in the conversation at BlogHer for a chance to win a $1000 Visa gift card as well.

For more information on this amazing product designed to soothe, protect and help heal, please visit Aquaphor's webpage.

THE RULES

To enter, leave me a comment below and tell me what some of your favorite uses for Aquaphor are!

You may also leave a link to your post on your own blog in the comments.

The contest will begin at Monday, November 16th and will end Tuesday, December 15th. Make sure that the e-mail address you leave is correct.
PLEASE KEEP IN MIND:

* No duplicate comments.
* You may receive an additional entry by linking on twitter and leaving a link in the comments.
* You may receive an additional entry by blogging about this contest and leaving a link in the comments.
* This giveaway is open to US residents, aged 18 and over
* Winners will be selected via random draw, and will notified by e-mail.
* You have 48 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.
* Please see the official rules here:

Review of Estee Lauder: New website and cosmetics review for Blogher

2008-11-23T20:00:00.003-07:00

I was given the opportunity to order $100 of makeup from esteelauder.com to review their new web site and their products through BlogHer . As I received money to order product, this is a paid review, but it does not influence the opinions expressed here.

The main word I would use to describe Estee Lauder cosmetic line and their website is PRETTY. They are packaging and marketing geniuses. Everything about their site and their line is very pleasing to the eye. The site itself is slow loading on my computer but that is mainly due to the fact that I have an Internet connection that runs at the pace of cold tar.

Their site is easy to navigate and has several tabbed options to look at that include how-to tips, instructional videos, what's new and special offers. I have always loved Estee Lauder's gift packages. Right now there is a 5-piece gift option for purchases over $50.00 to die for. The eyeshadow pallet alone would be worth it.

As I navigated the site I noticed that they have several options for the user to get help with questions and to find the right product. They have a tool called imatch foundation finder that helps you find the right foundation for you and your lifestyle. I will admit to being frightened about trying to order foundation that I had never used online. I have difficult skin to match and so I was not sure that I could trust ordering something I had never tried that would look good on me. However, since it was not on my dime, it made me a little braver and so I tried imatch out.

It took me through questions about my skin tone, type, and my preferences for coverage and then recommended two different foundations for me. I ended up selecting Resilience Lift Extreme in fair. I love this foundation. It gives a nice, medium coverage that isn't too sheer or too thick. The best part about it is that it is very creamy and applies like a dream. Often, because I have combination skin that leans towards the dry side, foundation that I select that doesn't feel drying often ends up leaving my face feeling like it is slathered in a layer of oily goo. This foundation left my skin feeling creamy and lovely hours later. The shade was PERFECT. I couldn't believe it. Of all cosmetic products, it is essential to get the right foundation shade and I couldn't believe how well the imatch tool worked. Big thumbs up for it!

I also used their skin care finder to select a face wash. This wasn't nearly as scary as thinking about ordering foundation online. I have found a moisturizer that I LOVE (sorry, Estee...it's from a different line), but I have been unable to find a face wash that I am happy with. I wanted something that did not exfoliate (I have one of those as well) but would also be non-drying and non-oily. They recommended Soft Clean Foaming Moisturizing Cleanser.

For me, this purchase was the most bang for your buck. It's a reasonable $19.00 for 4.2 oz. I was surprised at how large the tube was and you only need to use a tiny bit because this product goes a long way. It did a great job and felt sooooo good on my skin. It left it feeling soft and dewey and supple instead of taught and dry like a lot of cleansers. It moisturized without going overboard by feeling greasy. The only drawback is that the scent is rose petal and a little too strong for me. It almost borders on grandma smell, but still doesn't cross the line, so it's fine. I think I am going to be very happy with this product and will buy it again.

I spent the rest of my stipend on lip products. I have plenty of lipsticks and so I ordered a lip pencil and two different lip glosses. I have to admit that I was disappointed in everything else I purchased. My main complain is that there are no real options for sheer or even neutral lip glosses. The colors are very bold and bright and that really is not what I am looking for in a lip gloss. I wanted to get one bold lip gloss and one sheer, moisturizing lip gloss.

For bold color, Pure Gloss lip gloss is your product! It has coverage as good as a lipstick and a brilliant shine to it. The biggest drawback, and it is a big one, is that it is quite sticky. I don't see me wearing this every day but I do like that I have it in my makeup bag for nights out. Because their Carmel color was sold out, I ended up ordering Tender Lip Balm in Berry. HELLO PINK! It is very shiny and very pink. It does moisturize my lips well and has an SPF of 15, but the size of the tube is not very generous, it has a slight taste to it that I don't really care for and is a bit sticky. The main drawback is the color, though. I don't know how often I'll wear it.

My last product was the Twist Up Automatic Lip Duo. I think I would have been happier ordering the regular lip pencil. While the brush on the end is helpful, the refills are a bit of a pain and I wasn't happy with the color selection. There really weren't many options for a neutral shade and while I do like that the pencil is highly pigmented for long use, I just don't care for the color.

They do have a live chat option with a beauty consultant that I wish I had taken advantage of to ask for help with ordering my lip product, but I find those sorts of functions intimidating. I regret not trying it out, though. If only they had a tool for finding lip products that they do for skin care and foundation!

My end verdict is that there are lots of great things to find at Estee Lauder and with their new website. I will be back to look at more of their skin care and foundations. I don't know if I will give their lip line another go, but I will definitely shop here again. Maybe I'll order $50.00 of stuff just to get my hands on that awesome gift pack, because it looks amazing.

2006-11-16T23:45:00.000-07:00

Snip, Snip, Bang, Bang.

2006-08-24T11:45:00.000-06:00

I cannot BELIEVE you cut your own hair!
I REALLY did not need to deal with this today!
What were you thinking?
You know that scissors are not a TOY!!
Let me guess, you were just trying to get it EVEN, right?
It looks terrible.
I hope you're happy with yourself!

NOW, PUT DOWN THE DAMN SCISSORS AND BACK AWAY!!!!

***
The previous conversation occured with myself and the bathroom mirror.
Good thing I have a hair appointment next week.

Kitten Shower

2006-08-24T08:45:00.000-06:00

Last night, Michelle and I hosted a Kitten Shower for our friend, Karen and her new cat, Gigi.

Karen is a lovely person who deserves every single good thing. That would include her dream of owning a cat. It finally came true. Karen deserves to have the moment recognized by people who love her.

Plus, any excuse for Chelle and I to throw one of our famous gatherings is always welcome. We had so much fun planning, shopping and executing this party. We have gotten to spend more time together lately and that is ALWAYS a good thing. I adore her.

Karen got to open lots of gifts on behalf of her kitty. My favorite find was the catnip frog. Karen collects them and I have enjoyed adding to it over the years.
Gigi got a great mix of things she needed and fun things to keep her amused while Karen is at work. Hopefully, this means that she won't have the need to tear the blinds down from Karen's windows anymore!

Brian and Sherry Joy also gave her the soundtrack to "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy". Awesome movie, awesome soundtrack. Hey, it works..."So long, and thanks for all the fish."

Gigi was kind enough to send Thank You gifts of canned tuna.

Snacks in cat food dishes are way fun. They are pretzle fishy's. Michelle is brilliant.

My brilliance was the idea for the game: "Pin the crazy cat lady on Gigi".

Chelle did a greatjob creating it. There were tons of photos of cats and one picture of Gigi.

We all got little Karen faces with tape on the back. Whoever pinned a picture of Karen closest to Gigi one. BRILLIANT game, and way fun.(I am also trying to see how many times I can use the word, "Brilliant" in this post.)

Brian completely missed the cabinent and ended up sticking KAREN ON MY CHEST.For some reason, my boobs were a center of attraction during the Crazy Cat Lady game.
Everyone kept running into them. Bridgy was actually triumphant when she smacked into them while Chelle was turning her around. She wants me.

Karen WON.

Brilliant.

We had a lovely evening.

CRAFT PROJECT #4

2006-08-23T16:06:00.000-06:00

Wilbur is my cat.

Wilbur is a girl.

Yes, I knew this when I named her.

Wilbur is also a very, very naughty kitty.
(TRANSLATION: She is a complete whore who has a million boyfriends. Walking in on freaky animal love is pretty grody.)

I ran to PetSmart to buy a gift for a friends new kitty and I decided Wilbur needs a collar.

It cried out for its own personal little touch:

Move over, Hester Prynne.

Guest Blogger Extrodinare

2006-08-23T08:34:00.000-06:00

I was sitting at my computer in the wee hours of the morning and saw a Blogger Invitation in my inbox.

WHAT?

I've been invited to be a guest blogger???

ON ALEX'S BLOG??????

Be still my heart! WOO HOO!

This is so exciting.

I've already posted. ***Not for the faint of heart. I made Penguin throw up.

Thanks for the opportunity, Alex. Have fun moving to Toronto...Be safe, eat Maple Syrup, "Blame Canada" n' all that stuff. Oh, and "Always get your man."

HA.

:D

Damn Long post. Read it anyway. It's funny.

2006-08-22T12:22:00.000-06:00

I will not bitch about my absolutely SHITTY CAR. I will say nothing about the fact that there is now, something else wrong with it. I suppose that it is not just pets resembling their owners but obviously my van and I are two peas in a freaking pod.

BUT.

I am not going to bitch.

WILL NOT.

NOPE.

NOT ME.

I WILL bitch about the fact that the person who was driving in front of me going TEN MILES AN HOUR .

For one, it killed the charge in my newly jumped battery.

Secondly, it completely ruined the experience of listening and singing along to the "Superman Theme" by John Williams. Yes, I listen to the theme from Superman. While driving. In my minivan.

I also sing along.

Well, since there are no actually lyrics to sing it ends up more like, "La-la la la-la, DUM DUM DUM, La-la la la-la SUPERMAN! La, la la la-la, I'm Lois Lane...Superman loves me...la, la, la... cause I'm a hot journalist...dum, dum, do..."

What the hell was I saying???

Oh, my lame car.

While sitting in the 3,000-degree heat waiting for rescue, I wrote a blog entry in my head. I suppose this is a good thing because I wasn't sure I would have time today.

A post that I read on Jose's blog about repelling sparked a little bit of a memory.

I love Jose's blog. For one, he just has about the damn cutest profile picture known to mankind. He also writes about interesting things and says cute things about his wife, Martha. They also have a baby with the worlds fattest, most munchable cheeks ever seen.

Those who know me also know I am completely fascinated by all things Law and Order, military and uniformed. I always have been.

I also LUV guns. Not killing things, just...GUNS. They are way fun to shoot. Plus, I look cute doing it, so I fail to see any drawback.

Given my fascination, you would think that I would have gone into some field relating to one of the above. I admit that I considered it for about 30 seconds, but then reality of what that would actually mean kicked in:

"Excuse me? Mr. Criminal? HI! I'm Loralee, your arresting officer! I'm here to make sure you have a fantabulous incarceration experience! Could you scoot over here and put your hands on the hood of my car?? Yah, she is a cutie, huh?! I named her "MUFFY". She is a super sweet little car, thanks! Are those cuffs comfy? GREAT! Oh, and can you pinkie swear that you don't have any contraband on you???? SUPERLICIOUS! Ok, watch your head getting in, we don't want any nasty boo-boos! Have an awesome day!!!

I wish that this were a mere exaggeration.

Since that was out, maybe I could be a cop wife? An army wife?

NO, DAMMIT.

I suppose it is for the best. Given my feelings about a man in uniform, my husband would never leave the house for me pestering him sexually. I would also dress up in his uniform and play with his toys way too much. I suppose it is for the best. SIGH.

You don't know just how close I came, though. In 2001, Jonathan really wanted to join the Army reserves. He always has. I was completely supportive. I still am. If he were to walk down and sign up right now, he knows he he would have my absolute, unwavering support. You aren't talking to someone who has no idea what it would entail. I do. It was just weeks away from Sept. 11th. That changed our plans, but only because we employed ten people. If Jon were to suddenly be called up, they would be out of work.

It was a tough decision to make. One we are still not sure of.

Jon had all the paperwork done, all of his testing complete. He missed ONE question. THAT was because he was going too fast for the computer and goofed on the last one.

To say the Army was drooling over him would be an understatement.

When we were in the recruitment office, we were discussing which post Jonathan wanted. With his test scores, he could be absolutely anything he wanted. What he wanted was to be a combat engineer. Scared me to death, but again...Supportive.

As we talked the recruiter looked at me and asked me a bunch of questions.

"You know? You could enlist and immediately outrank Jonathan by a long shot because of your huge number of college credits".

WHAT!? COOL! WOO HOO!!!

Then it sank in. Uh...I really, um...Shouldn't outrank anyone on the planet in the military...ESPECIALLY Jon.

"So. Are you interested?"

NO.

"Why?"

I bet all of you reading at home didn't know that I have had my very own adventure with the United States Army, huh?

Oh, yes siree.

My freshman year of college at Weber State I was walking around the orientation with my friend, Spencer. Spencer was dating my best girlfriend, Susie. They are actually married now. They are the two on the left. Spencer is just like a huge bear and he is very comfortable in the outdoors. He was an Army brat and is just inclined to do all things hunting, shooting, and running around the outdoors in cammo.

"LORALEE! Let's sign up for this class! Three credits in three days for Mountaineering! Come on! It will be FUN!"

Uh...

Sure, why the hell not? I could go hiking in the mountains for a few days.

We signed up.

Three weeks later I am at home and the phone rings.

"Is this Loralee Mitchell?"
"Yes"
"This is SGT. Joe with the Army ROTC calling to give you information about our practice repel from the stadium next week."

Silence

"WHAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Yah. Apparently, there would be no easy nature trail, meandering through the trees and eating Samores by the fire.

I was going into a three-day hell. WITH THE ARMY.

I was going REPELLING with THE ARMY.

FOR THREE DAYS.

I am scared of heights. The only time I had ever been repelling before this, my hair got caught in the ropes and they had to hack half of it off to get me out. Not a good sign.

A week later I found my butt in a harness trying to repel off of Wildcat stadium without dying.
I didn't die, but it was close.

The week after that I was sitting on an old bus headed out to the desert of Calleo, Utah with my friend, Spencer (Who was SO in the dog house). We quickly realized that neither of us got the required packing list.

If you didn't notice, I am sort of an "Indoor Girl". My family does not "Camp". In fact, I had the only outdoor gear our family owned with me, which was exactly ONE 20-year-old orange sleeping bag with a broken zipper. It was stuffed into a garbage bag because I had no idea how to roll a sleeping bag up.

That was it.

No warm night clothes. No coat. No extra blankets. No bug spray, sunscreen or practical clothing. I left my tennis shoes on the porch so I was in PENNY LOAFERS.

Oh, and WE DIDN'T BUY FOOD.

Between us, we had one box of NutraGrain Strawberry bars, a sixpack of redcream soda and a bag of Funyons for three days.

It was really that bad.

There were only 5 civilians in the group and I was the only girl. So, I was in a tent with the only other 4 girls. They were really sweet. They knew I had no freaking idea what to do and helped me a lot.

We hit the ground running at 5 am and didn't stop until well after dark. I don't think I have ever been so subjected to such physical hell. I weighed WELL into the 200 pound level and was not exactly in shape.

Have you ever tried doing a chimney climb in penny loafers? Well, I have. Try doing a 1,000 ft forward repel in them, too. It's a treat.

My commanding officer and I really didn't see eye to eye. He was understandably appalled at me and my complete, "DUH". I thought he was an ass, so we were even. When we were doing the 600-ft boulder repel, I couldn't get a secure footing on the rocks and kept slipping. I would swing into the side of the cliff and bang against it pretty hard. The 7th or 8th attempt, I caught a rock with my forehead. They hauled me up. As I sat there BLEEDING FROM THE HEAD, he just let me have it:

"Dammit, Mitchell! I have never sent a soldier home from these exercises on medical and I am sure as hell not going to have the first one be a civilian. GET UP AND DO IT AGAIN."

Now. I am not really an aggressive person. Maybe it was my hunger, cold, exhaustion, or the fact that during the last repel my brand new Mickey mouse baseball t-shirt got caught in the ropes AND HAD TO BE CUT FROM MY BODY, but I wasn't in a good mood.

"NO! I am NOT doing it again."

"Mitchell! Give me twenty!"

"NO! I DON'T HAVE TO! I AM A CIVILIAN. FAIL ME!"

Luckily, he cooled off and so did I. I did the damn repel.

I did have one moment of success. I the only person in my group to make it across the canyon on the rope bridge without falling off and having to start over. God directly intervened because there is NO way that one person should have been me. I was terrified and I knew that there was no way I would get back up if I fell. It was good, no, it was fucking AWESOME. The CO even gave me a surprised nod of approval. COOL.

This is the only picture of the trip. Me and my tent mates. Before my awesome Mickey baseball t-shirt bit it in the repelling ropes. :(

The nights were so damn cold. I had such bad asthma, I knew after the first night the cold was really going to be a problem. By the second night I was really sick, exhausted, freezing and starving. By the third night I was just undone.

It helped that we would be leaving in the morning. We just had the awards ceremony that night to get through.

Then there was an announcement. THEY HAD DINNER FOR US! Hot dogs and beans. Dude. I was so grateful I bawled. It was one of the best meals I have ever eaten. I think Spencer and I consumed half of their supply by ourselves. When the commanding officer caught on to what we had both been going through, he was really pissed.

"Mitchell, why the hell didn't you say something earlier?"

Uh.

Good question?

I don't know. I was just used to solving my problems by myself. It didn't even occur to me to ask for help. It was my own fault, I should just suck it up. It's nice to know he would have been willing to help if I had asked him.

When they gave out certificates of completion, the CO just stood there shaking his head.

"I can't believe she did it, but she did. Mitchell, get your ass up here."

I got a standing ovation.

Blew the one at the Kennedy Center away.

One of the proudest moments of my life.

As Spencer and I said goodnight, he noticed how much I was shaking from the cold (NO coat, remember?) The thought of sleeping in the freezing air again was just too much. I went into my tent, freezing and just laid there and cried. Then I heard my name whispered and Spencer crawled under the tent flap and crawled under my sleeping bag with me.

"There is no way I am letting you freeze to death again, you looked really sick at dinner. Susie would kick my ass if you froze again."

My tent mates didn't care and I was so grateful, I couldn't even say anything. I just said a quick prayer of thanks, curled up next to him and had about the deepest, warmest, most freaking wonderful rest known to man.

I came home battered and bruised with a healthy appreciation for people in the service. They do stuff like that all the time, and THEY THINK IT IS FUN. So, I also gained a sure knowledge that there is NO WAY I would ever, EVER DO THAT AGAIN.

God bless America.

ABC's and 123's

2006-08-21T09:31:00.000-06:00

I am tired.

Why am I tired, you ask?

Well, being up and about at the butt-crack of dawn might have something to do with it. Since I am pretty much a vampire that shrieks as the sun touches her nocturnal, lily-white skin, I am not really what you would call, "Morning Friendly". Definitely anti butt-crack of dawn am I.

Given all of that, WHY then, was I awake at a time more suitable for the chickens and my friends, Michelle and Zac?????

BECAUSE MY CHILDREN ARE FINALLY BACK IN SCHOOL!!!!

Happy, happy, joy, joy!

ALL of us were more than ready for this to occur. Well, I should say we were EMOTIONALLY ready for this to occur. As for being physically ready? I waited too long to prepare. So, we got everything yesterday. Next year I am going by myself. ALONE. WITHOUT JON. NOT TO WAL-MART.

"Please, Jon. Wal-Mart is a bad idea. Trust me on this. It is too late and they won't have anything left."

"It will be fine. They'll have lots of stuff."

Uh, YAH...

One of my favorite aspects of the charter school is that we have a dress code. It is so easy to follow: NO jeans,..NO logos/brand names...Shorts to the knee...Collared, buttoned shirts in specific colors...Close-toed shoes. EASY PEASY.

USUALLY.

"Jon, I know that Christopher is a big boy, but he is NOT a size 8! He only turned 7 last month!"

"No, I looked at him, they'll fit."

NOT. The butt on those pants wrapped around his knees. Luckily, I planned on using their summer khaki shorts for the first few weeks anyway.

The other SNAFU we hit was with the list for James. "Please purchase five matching notebooks and folders in the following colors: Red, black, blue, green, and yellow."

Red? Check
Black? Check
Blue? Check
Green? Check
Yellow? Uh...

Uh....

UH!!!!!

NO FREAKING YELLOW!

So, we tried to find a different color. Orange??? Well, there was an orange folder but no orange notebook. Purple??? A purple folder but no corresponding folder!

ARG!

By this point I was an over-wraught puddle on the floor. When Jon looked at me and said, "We can always try Staples.", I was a cross between hitting him in the head with a package of postIt notes and crying on the linoleum.

"NO. We are not going to Staples. We are buying a Sharpie."

PROBLEM SOLVED!!!Finally, the kiddies were ready, supplies in backpacks, lunches made, clothes laid out.

Every year on the first day of school we take our children out to eat breakfast. It is a tradition that we all love. We talk about the good things they did last year, how they can improve on it and lay down the rules for the upcoming year (This year's die-hard? Homework is done RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL. My kids just cannot refocus after a play break. We tried it and it sucked, so there it is.).

There are always entertaining moments with my children. This one involved the possession of the only green crayon. Christopher wanted it to color grass, but James wanted it to make "Psychic Eyes" on the trunk of his elephant.

"Mom, I think you passed your weirdness on to brother."

Jonthan giving a confirming eyebrow arch did nothing to dispel that theory.

Arrival and Thomas Edison was a busy affair. I was struck by how well everything runs now and how full our school is. It is our fifth year of operations. James first day of first grade was in a reception hall with blankets dividing the class room because the building wasn't finished. I was terrified that I has just put my child into the equivalent of a militia cult in Idaho. Deep down, though, I knew it would be a good thing for my children. I was right. It also ended up meaning the world to me. I had no idea I would be a PTA president, the impact I would make, the things I would be able to do and the people I would grow to love in that little school.

Things were busy at TECS, as usual. We were a bit more rushed for time at the end than I would have liked. It was really tough getting a picture of me and the boys. The mural has become THE place for pictures and Jonathan only had time to snap ONE of us, it was so crowded and busy.

I look really solemn and annoyed. Kinda "American Gothic-esque". Gives me an idea...hmmm...
I really shouldn't try and play with Photoshop.

My pitch fork looks more satanic than farmer, so it just escalates.
I think I need help...

From me to you

2006-08-19T23:57:00.000-06:00

I know I've been pretty silent in my comments section.
Just a lot going on.
I'll be better about it.
Reading these comments have made me so happy.
You all certainly know how to make a girl laugh.

Love buckets,

Loralee.

Cruz Robert Mitchell

2006-08-19T23:41:00.000-06:00

You would think by the 14th time, I would stop being so flippin excited about being an Aunt.Nah.

Self Portrait Challenge

2006-08-18T10:15:00.000-06:00

Enclosed Spaces

Sometimes towels make me feel claustrophobic.

The Unspeakable

2006-08-17T08:43:00.000-06:00

I have SO been putting off this post. Actually, I was never going to write this post AT ALL, but then Karen decided to give me a gift of such creativity, such cunning, such "Oh, my HELL I am laughing so hard that I think all the ear wax in my ear canal just melted", that I am now FORCED to write about the thing I swore never, never EVER to speak about here.

Pay attention boys and girls, because this is the one, the only, the LAST time you will ever hear this subject matter on the pages of Looney Tunes.

Ready?

POOP.

There! I freaking SAID IT.

I hate this subject more than any other. I hate bathroom humor. Let me repeat that for those who may have missed it:

I HATE BATHROOM HUMOR.

Or bathroom discussions, or even the WORD, "Poop" or "Pooping" or any of it's derivatives when clearly referring to a bodily function. The most I can get myself to utter is "Excrement" and "Defecating". MAYBE.

I like to take the side of the anally conservative and pretend that humans really don't have bowel movements. Yes, bowel movements are just a vast, left-wing conspiracy. Damn Hippies.

So, why would my friend Karen be giving me any kind of gift relating to this foul human necessity, you ask?

Well, this has taken me a very long time to tell even my close friends and a few family. I suppose that I had to come clean about some of it because of the misconceptions that I have cancer. Thanks for all the emails and stuff, but it's not a tumor. I just have a bunch of health stuff going on that has been plauging me for awhile.

There are quite a few issues of this-affects-that, and so on. Think of my body like my van-Everything goes to hell all at once.

Um...Er...One of this issues is that I have a bowel obstruction high up in my upper intestine. It is very, very, VERY stubborn and is causing me a lot of grief and problems. I am doing everything I can, my body is just being it's bitchy self. I'm sure if I up my credit limit and buy it some new shoes, it will stop pouting and cooperate.

DO NOT WORRY ABOUT ME. I have been in and out of the hospital, seen every doctor I need to and I am sure that all the issues I have will be just fine in the end, I just need more time. I have decent doctors and my friends have been very....Um...supportive...N' stuff...

After getting Karen's gift, I decided it was so over the top and of such magnitude, I will just say, "FUCK IT. I am going to embrace the poo. (Or lack, thereof.).

Must be some freaking amazing gift, right?

YUP.

JUST LAUGH,I DO!

You'll have to excuse me now. I laughed so hard that I think I perforated my colon. I need to go find a BandAid.

What? We're out?

Eh. That's ok. I just got a box of Maxi pads at Wal-Mart.

Don't try this at home. It is dangerous.

2006-08-16T10:05:00.001-06:00

Why, why, WHY THE FREAK WHY, does my period have to start at the end of such a lame day?

WHY?

It isn't even my scheduled time.

GRRRRR.

What to do? I suppose I could just sit here and bitch, but then, I've bitched quite a lot lately. I don't really want to waste "Bitch Points" on something that will occur so many more times in the future.

I suppose I could choose to turn this into a positive experience and try to impart som uplifting words of wisdom to you all.

Hmmm....Let me think...

OOOOHHH!!!!

When I was in Kindergarten or the 1st grade (Don't remember, sorry), I dawdled before school. My mom went to work and my brother and sister walked on to school without me. They didn't want to wait for me to change out of my roller skates.

As I clampered clumsily up the stairs, I tripped and hit my head on the corner of the concrete step.

Head wounds tend to bleed a lot.

I went in search of medical supplies. "Medical Supplies" to a 7-year-old means a BandAid, of course.

As a child, I was notorious for sticking BandAids on the walls, counters, uninjured legs, the pets, and my siblings. I just liked it. I was ALSO notorious for taking those really cool, white, fluffy BandAids out of my mom and older sister's drawers, peeling off the back paper and sticking them all over the walls of the bathroom.

For some reason, they were always very unhappy when it was discovered.

I would ask my mom what the big deal was with THOSE BandAids. She always replied that she would, "Tell me when I was older".

Uh, ok.

SO...when I went up to try and get BandAids for my Boo Boo, I was dismayed to find that I had used the last one the week before to try and make two slinky's link together.

What to do?

AH, HA! The white, fluffy, BandAids! Perfect! I wasn't even very late to school.

As an adult, I look back with amazement at the composure my teacher showed when she was confronted with a rumpled, bloody little girl with a Maxi-Pad stuck on her forehead.

How's THAT for uplifting?

WWWWAAAAHHHH!!!!

2006-08-15T14:57:00.000-06:00

How does a perfectly okay morning go to hell in a hand basket so quickly?

I slept fairly ok, I got up, did the mommy breakfast routine, cleaned and bleached my entire kitchen and did loads of laundry.

My friend Michelle came by and we had our kids play in the park while we went walking. It felt good to have great conversation and give my body some much needed exercise.

I went home, did more "Stuff" (Errands, shopping, appointments) and then everything SUCKED.

The air conditioning isn't working and it is humid and miserable in my house. My children are being the spawn of hell and I am the Devil. I am overwhelmed with the things I have left to do before school starts next week and pray that I will be able to do what I need to. I am so terribly ready for my kids to go back to school and feel guilty for it. This summer has been really hard. Because I have been sick, and because they aren't in school, we are together 24-7. It is driving me CRAZY. Nothing stays clean for more than 10 minutes, and I just walked out to find "James and Richard" written all over my newly-poured concrete and curbing.

I also just want other situations in my life to be the freak OVER and there is only so much I can do to make that happen. I'm sick to death of dealing with it

As I made lunch for my kids (salad, ham and cheese sandwiches and chips with lemonade), I kept thinking the same thing, over and over:

"This is what I do."
"THIS is what I do."
"This is WHAT I do."
"This IS what I do."
"This is what I DO."

Yah, you do that enough to yourself, you could probably go from fairly normal and happy to talking to the Care Bears that have come into your kitchen to bitch about the Smurf's making too much noise out on the trampoline.

I am cranky, frustrated, hot, sweaty, dirty and unshowered, AND I still have on yesterday's eye make-up.

I confess I am not handling the stress properly. It may have exacerbated my mood that I spent the last hour hopelessly blubbering and sobbing while watching different YOUTUBE clips and eating a horrific amount of Frito's (Which I SHOULD NOT BE DOING).

I couldn't help it...I doomed myself by watching Whiskey Lullaby (Although, Ricky Schroder in a military uniform? YUM freaking YUM, YUM). THAT got me sniveling. It just went down hill from there. I knew I was in trouble when I started watching Disney clips (Beauty and the Beast. SNIFF) and then, the KILLER. The clenching, I HAVE SNOT RUNNING FREELY video....THE MUPPETS. Really! I mean, who the FREAK could watch this and NOT BLUBBER?

Kermit, I need a hug.

Wal-Mart Stripper

2006-08-14T23:48:00.000-06:00

While I was trying not to go into heart failure from the $250.00 grocery bill we were paying (It happens when you put off shopping cause you feel crappy and need to buy EVERYTHING), a little bit of hilarity came my way via the Wal-Mart speaker system.

"American Woman...stay away from me-ee..."

I shit you not.

Jonathan and I heard it at the same time.

My eyebrow arched coyly, betraying my intentions.

"Honey, while I really, REALLY loved today, please don't start stripping. We're in the produce asile and some of the vegetables look too delicate to take it."

because she's cool and this e-card made me pee a little. It's also a nice change for those who are uncomfortable with me posting about my sex life.

2006-08-14T16:50:00.000-06:00

I promise that I don't usually create e-cards and send them to myself. I recreated the AWESOME one I recieved in my inbox earlier today and edited it to protect the identity of the sender.

She is wonderful and this card killed me because it is PERFECT for me.

CHECK IT OUT

Dirty Girl

2006-08-14T09:22:00.000-06:00

I was all set to write a post about popping into the county fair last week, wearing braids and resembling, "Fern" from "Charlotte's Web", and how I was quite possibly the only woman there with all my teeth, when my shuffled MP3 list started playing a song that made all that seem trivial.

American Woman, by Lenny Kravatz.

DAMN.

Did anyone ever watch, Aly McBeal? Where the scrawny, but hilarious lawyer, 'The Biscut' used Barry White as his inner, "Go to" music?

Yah.

This is mine.

I dare you to put this on loudly and just TELL me you have no desire to strut, grind, paw, pant and move in thigh-high leather boots. Don't worry, Alex, I can let you borrow mine if you don't have any.

First of all, Lenny is very munchable. Yum. But, that isn't even it...The opening guitar just makes me feel dirty, awesome and highly fuckable.

While Heather Grahm is a beautiful woman, I should be the one in this video, I'd blow her out of the water.

Don't believe me?

You should.

Yes, I realize that I spend about 85% of the time looking like a harmless, lovable, cornball. Awkward, klutzy and weird, but the remaining 15%? Pure, unabashed, vixen, let-me-ride-you-like-the-stallion-you-are dirty, dirty girl.

This song makes me forget about stretchmarks and muscle tone of head cheese. It just doesn't matter. I am the hottest girl in the world while this is playing and trust me, confidence makes up for a LOT. Even when I feel terrible, this song makes my heart pound, my hips move and make me RAWR.

My husband, while fond of the effects, is not into this song as much as I am. He just came in to the living room and told me that "Even Go-To-Songs shouldn't be played on repeat 60,000 times".

Hmmm.

We'll see if he's still bitching about the song when I'm through with him.

I hope his boss doesn't mind him being VERY late to work today.

P.S.
Sorry, Linny and Nooncy. One should never have to read about their sister pumping and grinding to pulsing guitars and Lenny's grunting or what she is about to do to thier brother-in-law.

Signs that you may have to sit down and have "The talk"

2006-08-13T14:02:00.000-06:00

"Christopher, there is a big brown spot on your shirt."

"Oh, I know, Momma. I found another snake and it was just having its period".

Because it needs to be that kind of day

2006-08-13T11:37:00.000-06:00

Deep Thought

2006-08-12T17:57:00.000-06:00

Ya, know...I think I really like vanilla.

Band of Brothers

2006-08-11T14:12:00.000-06:00

"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers, For he today that sheds his blood with me Shall be my brother."
Henry V
Shakespeare

There is nothing more important in this world than brothers.

It is the one area of motherhood that I feel I have done an astounding job teaching my children. No relationship that they will have will be more important than the ones they share with their brothers.

They take it seriously. They are each other's best friend. When they make the other one unhappy or hurt, they feel it deep inside and are bereft until it is made right.

Today, James broke a racquet that Christopher received for his birthday and they said some angry, hurtful words to each other and got in a fight.

Both of them were miserable.

As James was the offending party, I snuggled in bed with him until he was not so upset.

"You know what I am going to say, don't you?"
"Yes, Mom. There is nothing more important than brothers and I need to make it right with Christopher."

James had little tears pouring down his face as he worked on his apology to his brother. I'll never forget his grubby little fingers clutching at his pencil or the look of sincere concentration on his face. Nothing was as important to him as mending his best friend's heart.

He took it into Christophers room and soon I heard laughter and playing. James has a way of making Christopher laugh even when he is sad. Christopher has a kind little heart and wants to forgive, so usually these things blow over quickly and they go on as before. best friends, kindred spirits.

I have many brothers that are important to me. My biological brothers mean the world to me. So much so that I named my two children after them (Rhett and Bradley). I have always looked up to them both. I wish that Rhett had been my father. I think I may have turned out differently.

I have brothers that have no relation to me at all. They come in all ages, religions, colors and sexes. (I have a very Politically Correct Band of Brothers going on).

These are people that I feel a deep spiritual bond with. People who understand me at the core of who I am. Friends I will love all my days.

These brothers are people I would do anything for. I would like to say that I would be brave enough in a moment of decision to take a bullet for any of them. In my heart, I would be brave enough, but let's face it, I am a freakishly weak person, so maybe it's the thought that counts.

These brothers have my back.

I have theirs.

When I let a brother down, there is nothing that tortures me more. I feel it deep inside and am bereft until it is made right.

There is nothing I would not do to see them happy, well, and blessed. They endure endless amounts to help me, shield me and protect me. Do you know how lucky and how fortunate that makes me? VERY.

I want my children to have this same bond with their loved ones as they age. These are people you share your deepest joys, your fiercest battles with. This life is a war, full of pain, attack, indecision and fatality. You need to choose your battle buddies wisely, know that they would fight for you as hard as you do for them.

My boys will not always be in my care. I hope and pray that should they be far away and if they need support in time of pain, loss or need, that they will have a true brother there to help them find their way, to look in their eyes with understanding and kindness, to hug them and say, "I'm here. I will help you find your way".

I pray that they find these brothers as they go forward in life.

I have found mine.

Receiving tokens of affection like this in my email inbox makes all the Amway hate mail worth it.

2006-08-11T09:43:00.000-06:00

Further proof that people from Bemidji are both cool and completely weird (Which makes them just about perfect, in my humble little opinion).
I don't think I could ever top this, DAVIE.
Totally cool. The gun is pretty darn sweet, too.
Damn, I look good. Maybe I'll buy the bikini after all.

GRINS FROM LORALEE.

Hot, hot, hot

2006-08-10T13:46:00.001-06:00

Did you all know that this is what I look like in a bikini?

What's that, you say? No? You didn't? That is hilarious, because neither did I!

I had no idea I would look this hot in a bikini, but I DO! All thanks to www.myvirtualmodel.com and Charli (Who I am blatantly stealing this from) .

I immediatly went and logged on.

This model and these jeans will change your life.

WOW! Really? Awesome. I am all for change! Sign me up, baby!

Welcome to your virtual model creation page. Please fill in the following options to create the model that looks like you:

Sure! This will be fun!

Height- 5'8
Weight-154 (Yes. There it is. Deal with it.)
Boob size-34 DD
Hair color-Red
Style-Long Shag

So far, everything is looking good. There are even options for skin tone, making the lips nose and eyes varying sizes and if you are a pear, apple or hourglass body shape.

Uh, oh.

SNAFU.

Um. What if neither of those body shapes is really me? What if I am just, "Hi, I have no waist what-so-ever because I have the world's largest ribcage?"

Sorry, no option for that.

Uh...They don't give an option for thick ankles and what to do for them?

Sorry, you're just screwed and will have to make the best of your Nellie the Elephant legs like Hillary Clinton tries to.

Uh...What if I have the, um, muscle tone of head cheese? Can I pick that option so that I get more of idea exactly how baggy my thighs will look and how far my post-pregnancy flab will hang over those pert, circular pieces of hardware holding the bottoms together?

Sorry, you're fucked. Although, www.myvirtualmodel.com now calls "Dibs" on the creative license for the term "Muscle tone of headcheese". You must now immediately desist from using that phrase unless you first send a royalty check to our administrative headquarters.

Uh...Are most people happy with this service? Do the clothes really fit like this? Shouldn't I maybe, uh, go to the mall and actually try one on?

You don't need to try them on...You are happy with the way it looks...Very happy...Stare at the model...You look like the model...You look like this...You don't need to actually try on the bikini...You look like this...Watch the typing... It feels so good to use www.myvirtualmodel.com..so happy...So calm...So peaceful...Watch the model...See how calm and happy she is...You like the model...You are the model...You like buying from us...You feel good using our virtual services...You are now complete...Whole...You are Borg...Resistance is futile...

Wow. I feel amazing! You're right! How could I have ever doubted you?! I'm so glad this option was there to change my life.

It's totally working.

He'd stay in there all day if i let him

2006-08-10T10:23:00.000-06:00

2006-08-09T22:32:00.000-06:00

I am going to check my email inbox to see if there is a little bit of cheer there and then fall into bed, so it's a quick post tonight.

Long day.

I had to make a trip today and the drive was hell. It made it more endurable that I got to sing along with Thing Two's CD's on the trip, but over all? It sucked. I am not sure if it was because I was running really late, felt awful, or was called a MILF by a very vocal and embarassing gas station guy, but it was not a great day.

EXCEPT!

I got to see my friend, Little Amy (You can see how little because I tower over her in this picture and I'm squatting).
I had things to do in Salt Lake, so she drove down from her parent's house in Park City to meet me at a Mexican Restaurant. I was so damn happy to see her. She was my first roommate in college, a very dear friend and the first person I confided in about the worst thing I have ever done (Until that point). She is tiny, fiesty, and the person you call when you just want someone to be pissed off on your behalf, no matter what outrage against you you are sharing. I absolutely love her. When she moved to Paris last year I used to say, "In a old house in Paris that was covered with vines lived twelve little girls in two straight lines. Amy is way cuter than Madeline".

She also had her little ones, Clio and Gigi. Clio just turned four and Gigi is two and has been a member of the family for a whole year after being adopted from China. I can't believe how big she is now.

Amy has had an international adoption, and two international moves in ONE YEAR (She's relocating from Paris to San Fransico). I don't know how she does it.

When I arrived, Amy whispered to Clio, "Tell Loralee what you told me."

Clio (Who has the most amazingly gorgeous brown eyes like her mom) looked up and said,
"Loralee is amazing! Will you marry me?"

I told her I would be honored to marry such a beautiful little girl.

We ate Mahi Mahi fish tacos and then went to Barnes and Noble where I was so tired I curled up in the children's section in a corner on the floor and went to sleep.

Nice.

The rest of the day sucked, but the details aren't important. Michelle called me at an opportune time to let me cry my way out of traffic to try and get home and I had to stop in Ogden in the parking lot of a tattoo parlor to take a nap so that I didn't drive off the road.

I'm home and going to bed.

Love you all. Miss you, Amy. Word to Logan friends, she'll be up on the 21st and wants to do lunch. Cool.

SPAM and Massages in Minnesota?

2006-08-09T06:35:00.000-06:00

Despite the best intentions and the world's best Anti-Spam-Sister, LINNY (Heh. Don't tell her that spells A.S.S.) spammers are just getting way too out of control.
I love my archives too much to let them be eaten alive by the damn things.
Word verification is going back on to the log in, at least for awhile.

Sorry, Alex! I tried, I really did.

On a completely random note, I am hoping that none of my little Minnesota friends are massage therapists that are cavorting with their clients. You may be running afoul of an obscure law. It made me chuckle.

A letter to my children

2006-08-07T18:25:00.000-06:00

Dear Spawn,

It might be helpful for you to note that if you bring your new-found garden snake "Pets", aka "Snaky" and "Bity", into the house against orders and if you also accidently let said reptiles loose in your mother's bedroom without telling her and it SLITHERS UP HER LEG while she is trying to get some much needed rest, she WILL freak, scream, fling it across the room and jump up and down on it's ass.

In otherwords, your snake is going to BITE IT.

Like THIS:

It also would be wise to note that any other contraband animals WILL meet the same fate.

Respectfully,

Your Mother.

Because sometimes whores need love too

2006-08-07T12:59:00.000-06:00

I now know what it is like to be my friend

2006-08-04T11:08:00.000-06:00

Readers.

I am so completely overwhelmed, touched and happy I feel like I could burst.

I got a package in the mail today.

A GIFT. Not a computer case for my husband, papers involving purchase of our land or our drug shipment from Columbia.

NO.

A REAL, HONEST-TO-GOODNESS-CARE-PACKAGE!To appreciate just how much that means to me, you would have to understand just how I feel about gifts and their significance.

They. mean.everything.to.me.

It doesn't matter the amount of money spent. One of my most prized gifts was a set of dog tags made on Valentines day. There was also a typewriter piece, but I won't get into that. Expensive is awesome. My husband designed a gold necklace with gems set just how I like for each of our three boys it is so precious to me. It doesn't have to cost money, though... It can be as simple as good friends bringing a Diet Coke to show their love, a plaque with my sons name done in caligraphy by a friend, a small bag of BBQ chips, a pair of sparkley sandals that matched a pair the giver bought because of you. They are all dear and loved.

Packages received in the mail can either make you sing with joy (My "I'm blogging this" T-Shirt sent from France) or break your heart (I don't need to say anymore about this). When I lose or break or misplace gifts, I am devastated.

I love gifts because for me, it is all about the CARE and the LOVE that goes into getting off your ass to pick out some little something that reminds you of that person. I am always intrigued to see what people think of to buy me. My friend Michelle is very good at gift giving because she loves to do the unusual, just like me. She bought me a rockin purse. I had no idea I needed or wanted a purse, but I LOVED that thing. It was perfect, right down to the pink and chocolate polka dot liner. She also bought me bras for my new set of "Girls" for last year's birthday and was a co-conspirator in filling Karen's fridge with beverages.

We get along.

I have been known to avalanche people with gifts. Not all the time, and I will go through phases, but it is a way that I show love, affection, worry, concern, guilt, and sorrow.

I try to put thought into whatever gift I give to people, whether it be an imported soda, a quirky lunchbox or a tub of Muhumurra and pita bread along with a bag of trout I caught. In my younger years I was out of control. I was so grateful to have any friends at all that I used to leave them gifts in their lockers, on cars, on their porch and look for any gift-giving occasion under the sun. "Happy Arbor Day!!!" I think I bought my friends a mall once.

This little quality of mine also has it's down sides. I have been accused of trying to buy love, butter people up, show other's weakness and failures with gifts. When you tie your affection and feelings so closely into physical tokens, that can hurt like a mother, let me tell you.

It is rare that I meet anyone who is quite like me in this area.

Ok...I never actually have.

UNTIL NOW.

Actually? Today, I have been outdone.

It must be something with the name, Loralee.

Loralee Christiansen in California (Thing Two as she is affectionately known here) and I have had so many good conversations. She has been so kind and thoughtful, wise and understanding of me and my weird little ways.

We have so many similarities it is bizarre. I just love her.

She knows that I have really been struggling right now. Many do, and I cannot express the KINDNESS, the care, the concern and just plain, "I have restored faith in humanity" that I have gotten from people. The calls, the letters, emails have been so amazing to me.

Then, I get THIS in the mail. Books, a fabulous card, a great letter (We like so many of the same tunes, Thing Two), Bath products, makeup, loads of CD'S, perfume...it just kept going and going.

I shook and cried and GRINNED, at every object and word. I was like a little kid at Christmas!

Her letter is also a carbon copy of ME! See, LLC, no one understands the beauty of an 8-page letter like ME! When a friend was deployed to duty, I think I must have worn the post office out with packages, cards, letters, brownies, DVD's...you get the picture. He finally told me to stop, for the love of god. (It can be a bit overwhelming to bask in my affection, I'm afraid.)

My favorite item and line from the letter?
"I have enclosed two tubes of Crest Whitening Expressions toothpaste. First off, Two is just completely strange enough to send you toothpaste. Has anyone else ever sent you toothpaste? HMMMMM? I thought not!"

Could you die?

For her to send me such and amazing gift is just beyond me. BEYOND.

For once in my life, I am freaking speechless as to how I feel (DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS TO DO, THING TWO??!)

I bless the day that she googled her name at 4 am and found me.
More than that, I am glad there is such a kind human on the earth.
I am glad that there is someone else out there that understands such a quirky, unusual part of me.

You rock, Thing Two

2006-08-04T09:25:00.000-06:00

Morning sex.

It is a complicated issue.

At the beginning of a relationship, when you are either having sex with your partner 24-7 or THINKING about having sex with your partner 24-7, morning sex is never even an issue.
You are animals that paw each other all the time, going at it from the first flutter of conciousness. In fact, there are some guys where conciousness is more of an option than a requirement.

Then, time passes. While still attractive to each other, the sex evens off to a more normal pace. This is essential to preservation of the female vagina. It just isn't built to take that kind of constant assault.

As the relationship progresses, children (Or pets) may enter into the picture. Time seems to become a scacer commodity, sleep becomes important, your body hurts, your head aches and you just feel emotionally decroded from your children introducing you to "Bity" and "Snaky" the garden snakes by putting them on your shoulder.

When your preferred times of sex are different, there can be unspoken disagreements about when and where to copulate. Sleep is an issue. Waking up every morning feeling like you have been thrown from a train and then run over by a tractor is also an issue.

To be desired all the time is a powerful thing. Even though, sleep is prized and usually chose, there is just something dead sexy about feeling a hand slide over your abdomen, having your neck nuzzled and getting, "Mornin' sexy", whispered in your ear.

Then comes the moment of decision. It's totally up to you. Pressure would never happen, you are lucky to have a partner who leaves it completely up to you.

You have a patient partner. You try to be good in return. You try and do things like buy hot, red underware and wear it under a coat to his office, find exciting and random places to go at it and love it when he buys you toys. You could be good in this instance, right?

Even though you had a good long play date last night, you were very in the mood yesterday and it carried over into the morning. So, you decide. You flip over on your back, give a slow, sexy stretch and a sleepy, soft smile.

It's ON.

You are hot, perfect, and driving him crazy. It is a damn good thing you brushed up on Shakira's "Hips don't lie" video at 3 am when you had nothing better to do. You even LOOK good, which is a feat after 3 hours of sleep.

There you are, blissful, yelping and moaning loudly like sea otters, when you hear a muffled laugh outside your open window followed by,

"Ola? Senora?"

I guess Shakira forgot to remind you that this was the morning that contractors are coming to pour your curbing.

Words

2006-08-04T01:41:00.000-06:00

I was going to put together a stunning documentation of what happens when the two weirdest (Yet harmless) flirts on the internet have an IM conversation.

Yup.
Me+Alex+MSN= Very Interesting First IM Conversation

Because it was lengthy (And because no one really gives a shit) I attempted to edit it without losing gems like this:

Loralee says:
I look weird in real life, so maybe you would be disappointed. I am really a fat Asian man

Azrael says:
that's weird. I'm a warty Russian grandmother

Loralee says:
We would make beautiful babies together, Olga.

Azrael says: You bet, Hwung

However, Alex felt that my version was, er, LACKING:

Alex said...: Oh, man! you're worse than the NY Times, taking me out of context and, umm.. stuff.

He was right. It sucked. My father's editing skills did not pass down to me.

He would also turn in his grave (Ya know, if he were dead n' stuff) to see my sloppy spelling, grammar and complete lack of structure or proper use of punctuation.

Maybe I am rebelling against a father figure, who knows?

Although, for the record, I grew up reading the news every single day, twice a day (Morning and evening editions). My dad was a news editor. I LUV reading newspapers. I devour them. Here's proof: My father didn't really like writing as much as editing. I loathe editing, but am obsessive about writing and reading books. Reading is a passion. I go through phases, but I have to read every night to go to sleep.

In fact, here is one of the cooler Memes around. It fits, it's 2 am, and this is a lame post. Humor me:

1. One book that changed your life?

The Book of Mormon. Whether I think it is true or not is irrelevant. That books existence changed everything about generations of my family.

2. One book you have read more than once?

The Golden Compass Series. (His Dark Materials). So damn bitterweet and cool.

3. One book you would want on a desert island?

Besides, "How to make everything you need out of sand, in 4 easy steps?"
Ummm.
Probably a journal I wrote. To make me laugh and sane with no one to talk to.

4. One book that made you laugh?

A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Genius

5. One book that made you cry?

The essentials of Algebra. College version.

6. One book you wish had been written?

The idiot's guide to un-fucking your life.
Travel Size

7. One book you wish had never been written?

Little Children.
Oh, how I thought that book SUCKED.

8. One book you are currently reading?

We Were Soldiers Once, And Young.

9. One book you have been meaning to read?

The Dante Club. I am STILL on chapter two, dammit!

There you go. What an odd post, boring post. My next will be entitled, "Shut your trap, sweetheart".

Off to read a few pages and pray that I don't dream of fat, Asian, warty children named Boris...

Blatant rip of from karen's blog

2006-08-03T12:38:00.000-06:00

It is a new Self-Portrait Challenge month. The theme is: Enclosed Spaces.

Since my brain is fried, I thought I would show my lack of creativity and mimic Karen's first choice for August.

THE SHOWER.
I share a love/hate relationship with shower. When I am not doing well, I am a little bit afraid of it. Strange? Yes, yes it is.

That fear is not just me being twisted. I blame part of that on the fact that I have the world's BIGGEST PIECE OF HUD bathroom known to man. Tiny, OLD, gross and the tub needs re-enameled. I live in a cow hand house, remember? Since we don't know the fate of this house, we don't want to spend the money to remodel.

As for those romantic showers with your spouse? Uh, NO. I am an amazon, and Jonathan is 6'3. He also has quite the Care Bare Stare tummy going on sometimes so there really is very little room left for me. Between trying not to touch the shower curtain (Cause it just feels weird) and not touching the cold tile wall, I have just about enough space for an unlayded European swallow to inch through.

It doesn't help that we are the only house left in North Logan on a well system, so our water pressure? WE HAVE NONE.

Compounding this is that the mineral build up clogs the jetstreams so it sucks. A friend did something to it last year and it was nice, but now it is gross again and I can't remember what it was that fixed it.

I also LOOOOVVVEEEEE showers.

I love loofas and oils, soaps and shampoos. I am a product whore.

When I stayed with my brother, Rhett, in California and I was pregnant with Matthew, I would wake up at SEVEN AM, just to have his awesome shower blast hot, hard water all over me. YUM.

My friend, Chelle uses her shower as her prime thinking spot, haven and place of enjoyment. I can see the draw of this. I have showered at Michelle's and it rocks the house, let me tell you.

I have showered other places that are also just peachy. It seems like everyone has a better shower than I do. I am embarrassed to have people shower at my house. I rarely let people, although I freaking MUST have because I STILL have not solved the infamous, "IRISH SPRING MYSTERY". (Click here to read about the strange occurrance in the Choate shower)

It is still at my house. If you have lost a bar of Irish Spring Soap, please call.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand Six hundred minutes

2006-08-02T21:32:00.000-06:00

For you, wherever you may be.

It's all I have to offer.

I'm sorry.

Because it's been that kind of day

2006-08-02T14:44:00.000-06:00

My evening

2006-08-02T03:02:00.000-06:00

Thanks for the comments, guys. I need to remove this, though.
It was four am and I was fucking PISSED with no one to talk to.

It will just hurt others to leave it on, so off it goes.

Chick Flicks

2006-08-01T21:45:00.000-06:00

Why is it that guys run at the first sign of CHICK FLICK?

Grrrr. I just got three lovely choices: Shop Girl, Pride and Predjudice and Moulin Rouge.

Jon took one look and bailed!

Any takers for some cheese, music and tissue???

P.S.

Remind me to tell you about the time I worked in a video store and my 8th grade history teacher rented about 76 porn movies and RECOGNIZED ME.

Lovely moment.

July's List

2006-08-01T14:51:00.000-06:00

The end of another month, time for a new list of my favorites.

I write too damn much. (I also SAY that I write too damn much too damn much, but let's not bicker and argue about who killed who.)

It was such fun to go back and read everything, I made more comments and just got to experience a lot of it all over again. It is a plus of having a sucky memory.

Enjoy.
The Amusing:

My fifteen minutes of fame

Fun with Dick and Jane

The Amway rep from hell

Man Love

I am the homely person that kidnapped Sue

The Serious

For Good

To have or have not

My religion

One dream that has come true

Anniversaries and Air Guitar

And, just because it means a lot to me but no one else:

Some of my 100 favorite songs

Smilee things...

2006-08-01T08:51:00.000-06:00

I trust myself to make a short post because God sent me a beautiful, rainy, cloudy, gray morning to make me happy. It was awfully nice of Him.

THIS made me smile. (I'm on Sue. Meet me inUtah. I'll give you the famous Mormon Celebrity Tour. Then we can go buy pump soap together that coordinate with our outfits and perky hair. Sweet.)

Oh, and THIS brought a grin. Not to mention, this:It does not stop there:

Loralee-

I googled my name today.
The first search took me to my website.
The thenth goes to "Looney Tunes" for "Platonic Lesbian Lover".
I laughed my ass off!

Brigitte

How could I not blog about it?

Thanks, guys.

:)

I also forgot what time of the month it is. NO, NOT THAT TIME, THANK GOODNESS!
It is time for me to slog through the month's posts and try and put my favorites on a list.
This month is going to suck. I have diarrhea of the fingers. If anyone remembers any that stick out, please give me a holler to help my poor brain. I'll get it out later today.

A comment reminded me that I had this sweet ditty in my archives. It never fails to make me happy.

Because it's been that kind of day.

2006-07-31T13:18:00.000-06:00

I have been a complete drag this week. I'm sorry about that, but it's just the way that it is. I'm gonna duck out for today and tomorrow because they just suck. I'm giving warning because I post so much that when I miss a day, I get inquiries about whether I am dead or stuck in my box of Gain n' stuff. I'll probably still play around on my comments, though.

I want you to know that I love and appreciate the emails and the comments. I love them. I re-read them all the time. They help me when I'm sad and make me grin when I'm not.

It helps more than you know.

No one needs to feel obligated to help me. My friends and family have all been through so much, this is just self-indulgent of me to keep spewing on them and on you. I am so thankful for my husband, family and friends. You have given everything to me. You deserve better, I'm sorry it takes me so long.

I'm sorry, wherever you may be.

I'll howl at the moon for awhile and be back. Won't be long, I promise.

2006-07-30T22:27:00.000-06:00

"Hello, my leaporous friend! Is this your finger?" Friar Tuck
Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves

You might wonder how it is that I ended this evening at the hospital.

I was in Salt Lake and I got a phone call from my poor friend, Karen.
She cut off a huge amount of her finger using a rolling cutter! She had no one to drive her and was scared and embarrassed. I sped up to Logan as fast as my little car would take me and met her just as she was exiting the hospital.

I took her to IHOP to get some food in her and to commiserate. Karen is such a kind soul. I feel so bad that she is hurt, but I am honored and grateful that when the call was placed, it was to ME.

Someone asked in a comment why I went to Salt Lake today.

Oh, dear.

I traveled to Salt Lake to see my new step-nephew, Antonio, get baptized into the Mormon church.

There is so much to say, but I just can't get into it too deeply. I have posted about it only once before. Why? Well, for one, I feel weirdly protective of Mormonism. I try to be as respectful as possible of it, even though I suck. I try to clarify at every turn that I am at the bottom of the dung-pile as what one should look at as an LDS person. However, I can't ignore it. I was raised in this religion (Kinda). It impacts virtually everything I do to some extent.

Two, it is an extremely complex issue for me that has taken a lifetime to create and will most likely take another lifetime or longer to resolve, understand and to feel comfortable. I am not comfortable at church, I can't say it brings me happiness, but stress, grief and I (repeat) I make myself feel miserable because I am not a person of faith and adhearance. Yet, I am not happy not going, or just hanging in the fringes. I feel guilt for me, my family and my loved ones. I seems like I am screwed in every direction. I don't mind talking about it, but again...it makes me skittish, so be kind, please. I am just a fucked up girl trying to figure out her own piece of mind and I have been less than successful in this area.

I didn't want to go today, if you want the truth. The amount of sheer, badgering, HELL I took to go to this thing was phenomenal. My mother doesn't seem to care that certain situations are the equivalent of having my epidermis layer peeled off. It comes down to the fact that I am a bad sister if I don't attend.

So, I went.

My twin and I were the only siblings there, along with my parents. I have no idea who the pioneer family on the right are. Your guess is as good as mine. And yes, that is just a weirdo fashion statement, even for Utah. Not the norm, but not all that surprising, either.

My brother's wife is from Mexico, so the attend a hispanic ward (Congregation). The service was in Spanish. My sister in law leaned over after the hymn and whispered, "You speak good Spanish!"

I didn't think she would comprehend that I speak no Spanish at all, but you pick up stuff after 4 years of diction for Romantic Languages. I am a quick study, it isn't that different from Latin and Italian and I'm used to singing stuff that I have relatively no idea where it comes from.

Even though I didn't understand 98% of the words in the service, somehow, not understanding the actual words being spoken gave me reason to concentrate on the feeling that was there.

The bishop (Minister) was a small, humble man in a suit two sizes too large, frayed at the cuffs and shiny in the knees. His hands were rough and his shoes were scuffed and falling apart and even though it sounds the epitome of cheese and triteness, the man was radiant with kidness and love.

Here is this person with very little materially, but he has EVERYTHING. You can just tell. I am not saying that people "Must" have religion to be happy, but I yearn to have that kind of...PEACE. That radience. To feel comfort and secure in the paths and choices you make. To not feel foreign wherever you go and whatever you do...Even in your own skin and mind.

I feel torn in a million pieces right now. My heart yearns for something, that is for sure. What, I don't know. HOW, I REALLY don't know.

My sister-in-law, Candy, was very sweet when she saw me. "You come back to church, Lo'Lee (She can't say my name correctly)? You need to! IS good for familia."

She went on for awhile. I started to explain, but she couldn't comprehend what I was trying to say. I thought about just pointing at myself and saying, "Diablo".

Don't get me wrong. I have made a LOT of progress as far as some things are concerned. If you knew my screaming hatred of God that I used to have. Just about a year ago when I had lost EVERYTHING I had, it was easier to direct my anger, pain and frustration toward Him, than those I loved.

I have worked through a lot of that, but I still don't know where I belong, where I fit.

Right now it feels like nowhere.

I know those who will say to talk to God mean the best, but it is not too far in the past that I called him a F**ktard in my head. I have always had difficulty relying on God and feeling comfort from Him and right now I'm pretty thrilled I don't despise all that He is. Don't feel sorry for me, though. I do little to improve the situation.

I am so blessed with the people around me, but I feel like there is not one person I can talk to that would understand this or me; My background, how I was raised, the different aspects of this particular religion and the poor choices I have made to worsen my own situation. I'm a complex soul and this is about as complex as it gets. Frankly, no one around me has made the magnitude of shitty choices that I have. I wouldn't WANT anyone to know how this feels.

It's the way it has to be, but I feel completely alone.

2006-07-30T15:37:00.000-06:00

I needed a dress and shoes for a family function today. I suppose the good thing about having a mother who is sure that you have to attend no matter HOW uncomfortable you are is that she offers to buy you a new dress and shoes so that you don't look like a heathan when you show up.

This is no small feet. Speaking of "No SMALL FEET". Buying shoes also sucks. I have thick ankles and huge feet, but I love these shoes. They make my foot want to "Pop" like in the old black and white movies from the 40's

I look suck-o-la in dresses that aren't costumes. Really. I am just not a dress person. This was the best I could do:
Actually, I love it. It is swingy and full and shimmers slightly. I feel like June Cleaver, but what the hell? I am sure there are many men who were hot for June at one point, so maybe this look will work out for me.

I am not sure how it will work, but it's the best I can do. Mom will have to suck it up and deal.

Thank you to Zac, who helped me endure the mall and for this chick, who is the best salesman at Dillards.

I actually went shopping

2006-07-30T14:05:00.000-06:00

I can't believe how much I don't like to shop.

I can't believe I had to buy A DRESS. I am not really a "Dress" person.

I can't believe my friend Zac was kind enough to go with me.

I can't how well I did.

I can't believe these are MINE. I can't believe Zac's cute bunny fingers: